Holiday update

There was a lot of good times had over the holidays with my little nephews that I will cherish forever. A few bad times too (no more dating the guy I had started seeing, that is over almost before it started). But spending a couple days with my favorite little boys was the highlight of my month and always makes my 3 1/2 drive worth it. No matter how cold hearted I manage to become, they just have a way of melting all the ice the instant I see them.

(Afterthoughts)
It took me about all of 5 miles of driving home before I started crying because I missed my nephews and long after the trip was over to stop choking back the tears and manage to make myself numb enough to only vaguely feel the pain (damn emotions lol.)

I want y'all fattened up in case I get snowed in with you this winter, ya know, just in case I get hungry

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Shhhhh

Hmmm, what did I do with the rest of my weekend? I'm gonna be sly and coy and not say anything other than I actually felt happy because of it for once. And I actually managed to sleep without a 'death hug' on my teddy bear and also slept better than I have in a very long time. Details later at some point.

(Afterthoughts)
Of course I'm back to my insomnia and exhaustion tonight, but I could really use more days/nights like Saturday. Don't y'all hate it when I do teaser blogs? I got to keep ya coming back somehow now that the cookies are all gone, bwahaha. But I really do feel good (bad mood will return soon, I promise.)

An entire wasted year

As I was getting ready for bed and stepped outside for a ciggy before I laid down, I had the great idea to calculate out how many ciggies I have smoked thru the years. It was a horrifying number that even estimating lowly, still seemed incomprehensible. So I turned that into a dollar amount and discovered that I have roughly spent an entire years salary on them. Damn. Effing screw those things, I would have spent the money in bits and pieces elsewhere but seeing that number was the shock I needed to finally quit for good. So I am making sure I remember this mood by posting from my cell as I lie on my bed (and cry myself to sleep.)

(Afterthoughts)
If I seem bitchier than usual this week you now know why. I'll try to tone it down but stress always brings out the demoness side when I deal with people and then I cry my eyes out when I have time alone. Bring on the emotional roller coaster and let's get this over with.

Just a lil ole hobby

"HA HA Speed, you get no photo this time, HA HA!"

In the dark recesses of the back corner of the top drawer of my toolbox at work lurks a small white plastic box. And for those brave enough to dust off the top of it and slowly open up the creaky rusted plastic hinged lid will gaze in horror at the contents inside ..... severed human hand! Muhahaha! Oh, wait a minute, I'm thinking of a different box in a different drawer, sorry, my bad. The contents of this box are almost as horrifying, it is full of damaged and mutilated .... coins (that ended up being underwhelming.) I collect the rare coins that I find which are damaged beyond use in vending machines. Some have been deliberately hurt by persons unknown but ended up still being spendable and I received them as change at some shop, others I have found lying in parking lots. But each one has it's own unique personality to it, and have been abused and mistreated and have become outcasts in the monetary society and most people would call them monsters because of simply what they are.

I keep them because they are a lot like me. Most of my damage has been to my mind and what is left of my soul, although I also do have a decent selection of physical scars from working in a factory around sharp metal and dangerous tools everyday. Every so often when I feel like giving up, I will dig out my box of coins and look thru them. Even with all the damage they continue to endure. Even with the shape they are in, if I chose to I could take them to a shop and spend them. There is some sort of clever metaphor about despite the damage we receive we are still vital and functional members of society, although for me it tends more towards that even though I may be a monster (or half demoness to be accurate) that I am able to jump into circulation at any time and be a useful asset to society, and although I may gain a bit more attention than the average coin because I am a tall girl (and act goofy as hell) I still get viewed as just another coin.

(Afterthoughts)
Yes that was a speed racer joke. And there was your half assed mysticism wisdom to get you by until the next random encounter.

Hit me with a stick and candy falls out

I may be filled with hate and rage but it is covered in a gooey carmel center, so it's all ok. How is that possible? Elfin magic, that's how. I guess noone realized I was a keebler product, lol. However, it ended up being unpopular and dissatisfying for some reason and got discontinued, only to be replaced with something sweeter.

(Afterthoughts)
Damn it, I feel all sickly sweet. It makes me feel all mooshy and my demoness half feel all iccky. I hate enjoying it, but I really do like it, argh.

Evil description

What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Not me, that's for sure. I lurk outside of their hearts, peering in at them thru the glass jars on the shelf I keep their hearts inside of. MUHAHAHA!

(Afterthoughts)
Hee hee, I'm finally in a slightly better mood as y'all can tell. ;)