(Click on this link to watch the video only after you have read this post to know whether you can stand to do so, that was your fair warning, now do whatever the hell you choose, lol.)
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have schizophrenia? You may be thinking that sure, LizzyBeth here has it and seems to have so much fun, it has got to be kinda like some sort of constant psychedelic trip. Looking at her it probably isn't really all that bad, she gets along fine and it is just got to be more interesting than bothersome. They have a video that shows what it is like and I was honestly disturbed. They warn that people with mental problems should not view it but in my own arrogance thought I would be fine and was curious as to how it was presented. Well, I am only going to say that I fully understand why I was not supposed to see it (and kind of wish I had not) but for those who are brave enough to get a taste of what my life is like, I hope you will watch this. And I hope you will understand how badly I get tortured every single day and the willpower I possess to drift through life with all of those disturbing things buzzing in the background of my reality.
(This is a description of how the video is)
In the first scenario, you’ve wakened on a beautiful morning: The sun is shining, a breeze wafts through an open window, the house is bright and welcoming, hot coffee is ready in the kitchen and, best of all, there’s good news in the morning paper.
The circumstances are different in the second scenario. While it’s the same house, and the same day, the house is dark and slightly foreboding. From the moment you wake up you hear a running commentary of voices—a male and a female. They tell you that you are “stupid, so stupid,” and that they hate you. They alert you not to eat or drink the coffee because it’s poisoned. They warn you not to take your medication. They never stop—on and on they go—calling you worthless, a waste of space, berating you for being lazy and ungrateful. And, the headline in the newspaper says “DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE.”
The voices are not just internal; they’re coming from the television, too. The weatherman is asking you if all you’re going to do is sit around with “your stupid mouth open?” And, before telling you to stop staring at him, he reminds you, once again, that you are lazy, sleep too much, and pretty well everything is “all your fault.”
(Afterthoughts)
I will only say that it was a very hauntingly familiar thing to watch, and kicked up the level of my own mostly ignored symptoms requiring me to expend extra mental energy beating them back into a sort of submission.
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