Let the "slay" bells ring

Today has not been a promising day for the tiny bit of humanity that I keep locked up and buried deep, deep inside of me just like how Scrooge kept his gold coins securely buried away (seasonally appropriate reference).

I am burning with such fury that I can melt a snowman into a puddle at 20 paces. They have not even invented terms for all the kinds of angry I am today!!! Luckily my mind is humming too damn fast to submit y'all to the blind redness dripping through my skull.

And it is all because of a shirt.

Yes, a God damn Fucking T-shirt.

Although to be more precise, it is due more to our world's degradation into tree hugging, ass kissing, calloused knees, cum drunk, politically correct, over sensitive, whiny little bitches who overachieve in only the single aspect of stripping down the world to it's most blandly lukewarm configuration that is as dangerous and terrifying as a sack of newborn kittens. Screw those motherfuckers and the horse they raped on their way into town. I HATE those worthless, childish games and dragging me to the table to join in and play my hands does not make me a happy girl in the slightest bit.

My favorite videogame shirt has a white mage from the original Final Fantasy on the front and proclaims a slogan on the back saying "guns don't kill people, magic missiles do." Amazing how that simple article of clothing which I have worn to work countless times suddenly became "inappropriate" enough overnight for my boss to be dragged into work on her day off for the incredibly complex task (that a roomfull of managers who were already there could apparently not do themselves) of informing me that because someone complained about a gun reference on my shirt (which promotes NOT using guns), that I have to submit humbly to censorship and turn my shirt inside out AND go home.

What the fucking hell is the deal with that shit. I don't know if I'm more impressed or more disturbed that someone managed to force their apron string entwined arm down far enough to remove the thumb from their mouth long enough to emit a high pitched shreek of a complaint against an imagined slight against their delusionally comfy pretend world.

<rant over with a sneer of disgust>

(Afterthoughts)
Why I cling to my last tattered shreads of humanity like a limpet to a wet rock is a very sad and wobbly thought which is extremely disturbing to contemplate.

Tests

Once in a while I find something I like & it is the Motorola Droid

- Liz

Bring on thee pain royale

I have been sick a lot lately. My mom thinks that it goes back to February this year when I caught pneumonia, while I was moving from my house to an apartment, doing the majority of packing and loading my car and carrying everything by myself, in the cold nighttime, after work in the wee hours of the morning (1-4 am). Plus I had the stress of working at a new job which I figured that I would not last long at if I even managed to make it all the way through the 8 weeks of training. I could barely talk, coughed constantly, ran a cold shivering fever constantly, suffered through hot flashes, and could barely stay awake in my exhaustion. I seriously should have been in the hospital, but that would have meant that I would not get to keep the job I doubted I would keep anyway. So I plugged away night after night, staggering with box load after box load as I sweated in the freezing cold all while wondering if the new neighbors would find my nearly lifeless body the next morning lying on my doorway when I blacked out. Luckily that did not happen, my immune system fought tooth and nail to keep me alive without medicine, and I even stayed at that job regardless of how little affection I honestly feel towards it.

I was feeling better after my latest bout until last night. I was already exhausted from trying to work a couple 12 hour days to work off some of the points I have accumulated from being sick and missing work and was slowing regaining some strength back into my voice as the broken glass which I swear was buried somewhere within my throat started to work it's way loose. Then I turned into a broken toy.

We stopped and snagged some food to take home after work, and I ate about twice as much as I should have but I blame that on it being tasty. I mixed a drink and sat down at my computer to play a couple simple videogames to amuse myself as I winded down and prepared to catch a bit of very needed sleep. Too bad, so sad, I got a single hour of intensely bloody nightmare soaked rest while I lay curled up in a ball on my bed in so much pain that I couldn't even cry. But you can bet that I did whimper pitifully quite a bit. Once again I got to enjoy, and actually still am, the suffering of food poisoning.

There was no way for me to get comfortable enough to manage any rest all night long. When the pain became unbearable I would roll off my bed onto the floor and stagger into the bathroom in an attempt to purge my stomach enough that the pain would lower enough to allow me a brief, yet still very painful and brief respite. The bad thing was that my stomach had no desire to listen to logic and purge itself to allow the both of us to feel better. It fought me on that every single time.

My cycle for several hours was:
1) crying on my bed curled up in as tight of a ball as I could manage
2) falling to the floor
3) sticking my finger so far down my throat that I could feel my spine
4) waiting for about a minute as I cried about keeping that same finger poking the very back of my tongue wondering why it wasn't making me sick
5) coughing and gagging up a small amount of orangish slime which tasted even worse than it looked
6) repeating steps 3 and 4 several times
7) staggering back to bed with eyes blurry from tears to start again at step 1

This process occurred about every half hour for about 8 straight hours. It is not often that I cry and has been a few months since I have but last night and today I have cried more than I probably have over the past few years added up together and wrapped up in fancy paper and ribbon. Finally I managed to start gagging up clear liquid and the pain stayed at a constant, and barely bearable level. Of course all the cramps and pain in my stomach, along with the forced vomiting, caused my back to strain several muscles in it as well.

Luckily, this story could not get any worse, as long as you leave out how I was supposed to work today and although I could barely stand up straight still had to run my roommate to work since he was unable to get ahold of anyone to pick him up. Or when he called me after I had gotten back home and collapsed to inform me that my boss told him that I was required to come in today regardless of the shape I was in and had to manage to last a couple of hours because the company we contract for needs more billable hours and is threatening to make overtime mandatory (regardless of the fact that they will lose countless hours when a significant portion of the call center gets fired for not being able to comply with an additional 3 hours per day per person for 2 months straight).

So already weak from the first car ride I had to make another one to the other side of town. I almost fell climbing out of my car and shuffled my way slowly across the parking lot with one arm tightly wrapped around my tummy. About one minute after collapsing into a chair (and almost missing and half hanging off the edge) while I was very shakily setting up my desk to start taking calls, my boss walks over and asks if I am OK. Of course my natural sarcasm kicks in and I smile at her through eyes on the verge of tears and say that, "I am fine, why do you ask?" Of course she rolls her eyes and tells me that I look horrible and what is wrong. "No, no, I really am fine, other than the severe food poisoning which kept me curled up in ball without sleep all night while I cried and cursed my virtual nonexistent gag reflex as I shoved a finger down my throat about 30 times or so to little effect." So she sent me home since I was obviously going to be more worthless than normal on the phones (my evaluation, not hers). As I slowly shuffled my way towards the door, I got chased down by a couple of guys who insisted that they walk me to my car to keep me from falling down in the parking lot because I looked about ready to black out.

Fortunately it is a rare occurrence for my physical pain to come close to matching the emotional and psychological kind that I live with daily. At least the mental kind has worn itself into a sort of numbness over the past 30 years.

(Afterthoughts)
The fact that I 'sucked' so bad at "finger down my throat bulimia" has got to be either horrifying or extremely erotic. Sadly, this was not a situation where no gag reflex was any type of advantage.

Humble pie (thrown in yo eye)

I will openly admit it, I was wrong. It is a poorly kept secret that I have learned to hate the iphone, and respectively Apple along with it. Forget the fact that I have an ipod which I do quite enjoy even though it comes from the same company. I justify it in my mind by assuming that those devices were created and designed by totally and completely unrelated departments within the conglomerate.

Now as a side effect, and yes, it is once again contradictory, is that even though I use itunes (because of the before mentioned ipod) that the iphone is also quite often synced with that program for various reasons that you do not need to know if you do not own an iphone or respectively, already know about them because you do. So I have gained a lower respect for itunes due to simply from that fact.

However, I did find a feature on itunes which undoubtedly has been there for who knows how long but had gotten continually overlooked by me. This would be the itunes radio. With it's countless internet radio stations it is hard not to quickly fall in love (ok, ok, mild affection with maybe some heavy petting). Hell, they have 111 metal stations which is awesome for this chick. So yes, I must give out a kudos to itunes and admit that regardless of how justified I may be in my general opinions, there are often aspects to everything within which we can find a common ground and reach a sort of temporary peace even if just for a brief moment.

(Afterthoughts)
Admittedly, I do also use the itunes DJ as well since it randomly plays the songs I have stored.

Musical synchronicity

Since sooooo many people enjoy applying "deeper meaningfulness" and "hand of fate directed towards selfish lil me" proof of whatever, here is something for all you self proclaimed "media mystics" to drool and gossip over how "destined" this bit of musical nonsense has absolutely got to be "pulling me out of a hat." Being the highly evolved half-demoness of both the blog-o-sphere and the real world (plus a few other better off not mentioned dimensions) I will simply mockingly laugh over you humans holistic dedication to synchronicity.



(Afterthoughts)
Creeeeeeeeeeeeeepy!!! Personally, I don't see the conditional relationship to me at all. But when I heard this classic on the radio the other night I thought y'all may find that somewhat amusing.

Knowledge is power

Geek out to some science that I find fascinating.



(Afterthoughts)
Yeah, I'm a nerd girl, but this stuff intrigues me and keeps the rusty wheels squeaking in me head being forced to think.

Um, ok then ...

I really don't know what to say about this one so just watch and wonder how hard the guy who made this had hit his head.



(Afterthoughts)
Admittedly I did giggle the whole time I first saw it.

Arghhhhhh!!!!!!

Seriously, this is what they now expect us to do at work while speaking to customers on the phone, no joke. We are allowed to only keep someone on hold for merely one whole minute at a time before we have to check back in with them. That doesn't sound too bad initially until you actually put more than a single brain cell into thinking about how that will work out in reality. Most calls tend to result in quite a few of those one minute increments of hold time while features are being processed or research into billing issues are being looked into. So instead of being able to fully focus on solving problems in a short time, every single minute requires an interruption just so that we can add an additional 15-20 seconds to pop back on the line and let them know that we are still working on resolving their issue instead of actually working on it. So in theory, it can take about 3 minutes to add a single feature to their account but now with the check in requirement, that has now gotten stretched out to 5 minutes. Still that does not sound too bad in all honesty, until you factor in the fact that it is rare for someone to call only wanting a single feature added to their account. A good portion of calls are about issues with their billing and charges on those said bills, which often require 5-10 minutes of research and reading through several system notes on the account and looking over a couple of different bills. So now what could have been under a 10 minute call is going to be about twice that with the constant interruptions disturbing the focus of what exactly we were looking at and losing our place in the process of hunting down where the initial problem lies. Not to mention that the customer who is generally not all that happy to start with is going to get annoyed that we are spending just as much time letting them know we are working on their problem as we are actually trying to solve it.

In my experience, people do not really enjoy being put on hold but understand that it does take a bit of time to go through the process of fixing their issues or making changes to their accounts. They tend to be fine with spending a couple minutes on hold while we get the job done. I myself am content to have someone who gets the job done as compared to someone who keeps stopping to chat with me and let me know they are working on it. When you call in to get something fixed it is a normal assumption that they are working on and do not need their hand held and constantly reassured that it is being worked on.

I spent a couple minutes swearing about the stupidity of that to my boss today when she told us about that. Of course she was not surprised by my opinion of that policy and expected me to bitch over it. So I have two ways to deal with it:

1) I will just have to explain the policy to the customer and apologize right off the bat and tell them that I understand it will be annoying but we can make it quick and painless if they just say "OK" when I pop on the line and rattle off as quickly as I can speak "that I am just checking in with them while I continue to work on their issue" every freaking minute.

2) I can just take the sacrifice of 5 points (out of a potential 100) for long hold times if I happened to get a quality evaluation on that particular call.

Welcome to the wonderful world of "improvements" the higher up's decide is a great idea when they have no idea what it is actually like to be the one taking the calls or how great of an annoyance it is to the customers either.

(Afterthoughts)
I will flip back and forth between the two options to deal with this depending upon how I happen to feel at the moment and how cool the customer is.

For you information...

Do y'all know the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu???

For the bird flu you get tweetment, and for the swine flu you you get oinkment!!!

(Afterthoughts)
Kudos to Mr. Jeffery for emailing me that little detail. Y'all have now been educated.

Almost a post

There is a local anti-vampire habitat where the part-time residents go to absorb extra doses of the sun's rays in order to better fend off attacks to the neck. The name of the locale is "Almost Tan." Um, so does that mean that I get a discount (not that I would partake of such a service) for a partial service? Since you only get almost tanned shouldn't you almost pay the full price (just not quite the full amount)?!?

(Afterthoughts)
Long Dong Silver's has Fish Tacos for $0.99 if you want a cheap date.

Ok, ok, just one more...

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?

Well-hung.

(Afterthoughts)
Tasteless yet satisfying.

Practical joke of the week

As y'all damn well know (due mainly to my incessant bitching, of course) is that I am as tall as a 5'15" tree. That doesn't really factor into this story but I hate to miss an opportunity to rant.

My roommate and I stopped at a gas station to fill up the car and snag a couple packs of cigarettes. There were 2 cashiers working the counter and we each went to one of them. I was actually dressed rather nicely (too damn nice to be pumping gas) and the woman behind the counter commented that she loved my outfit and I looked really cute in it. To which my smartass reply was that my boyfriend who is at the other register makes me dress like this so that people will think he is straight. A few moments of dumbfounded silence before she stammered out that she never would have had any idea. At that point I start giggling and inform her that I was just joking much to her relief as she stated that she was glad because she had no idea what to say.

Then I get back out to the car to tell my roommate what I told the girl inside (minus the last part) just to see his eyes go wide as he stammers out a what the hell are you doing telling people I am gay, you are about to become the first girl I ever hit. All the while I am laughing so hard that I can barely breathe. I finally managed to tell the rest of the story with him shaking his head bitching about how I am one of the craziest girls he knows.

(Afterthoughts)
It is often people's reactions that make the joke better than the joke itself.

Redneck Reindeer Games

Sad as it is to admit, some things are just plain fun even when you would prefer that nobody catches you at them. Examples are riding a scooter, shooting cans with a bb gun, pretending to ice skate on the hardwood floors in your socks, masturbating (master baiters catch more fish) , singing in the shower, samurai flower arrangement practice, burying bodies out in the deep woods, baking cookies (more for yourself), etc . . .

Now this game over yonder also falls into that category.

(Afterthoughts)
The simulation games know no bounds

Just go with it

Since apparently getting y'all to keep your eyes on mine (and I am referring to the ones in my head) I am just gonna flow with it. Go on and follow this link for you to stay a happy, mindless guy (or lesbian if your boat floats smoothly down that crowded river as well). I lost interest within a few seconds but it is to be expected from a sweet, innocent, straight girl like me (since I likey the boys it isn't difficult to guess which one of the 3 options is the only correct one).

Clicky click clacky clack click click cleek here and check your morals at the door. The instructions are included in the package and may or may not self destruct in 10 seconds.

(Afterthoughts)
Best had wipe up that drool from the keyboard before it drains onto a live circuit.

HEY!!! Eye's up here!!!

Yeah, yeah, do your double take and move on. There is nothing to see here, keep on moving down the road. Just a poor abused girl who got tied up and forced to dress nicely instead of the "girly tomboy" she general chooses.




(Afterthoughts)
The "girly tomboy" phrase is one my younger sister coined to describe me when we argued over which one of us has always been the tomboy. Although I worked on dirty machinery, she still had the skills for all the sports she tried and was less bothered by icky stuff like bugs than I was so I unofficially concede the point to her (but I refuse to publicly admit to that shortcoming of being "girly").

Self Service

I must be getting old. I remember when you used to be able to go to a store and they would have a cashier (hell, I used to be one in high school at a drug store and split the week doing that with another girl in my school) who would look at the item to be purchased, punch the price of said item which was gained from the price tag sticker that was stuck on the item into the cash register, and add up your bag of goodies that caught yonder fancy that particular day. Then, because those registers were kinda sucky, you had to do some quick mental math to make change, which you learned to do rather quickly (using a few simple tricks). But nowadays, when you go to buy something they just have a "good faith" monitor watching a group of self service checkout lanes. So not only do I have to do the stores job, but I have to pay them for making me do all the work as well.

WTF!?! If I am saving a store money by doing their glamorous job of part-time cashier then why the hell do I not get some kind of extra discount incentive to do so. Seriously, why would anyone bother ringing up their own purchases (unless they are, um, cough cough, scamming the place) when they can take it easy and just stand and watch someone do that for them instead (which also helps keep their job secure) for the exact same cost. I swear that if I ran a shop of some kind I would just have to promote that nice little detailed fact:

"Come on down to Liz's second hand soul pawn shop where for our valued customer's convenience we have people to assist you with processing your purchases at no additional cost. That is right people, you heard me correctly, the cashier's at our wonderful and humble lil shop are a free service we provide to you for your personal convenience. So be sure to take advantage of that when y'all shimmy on over and give us a visit."

Now the reason I got angry today is due to when I was unable to pay my electric bill online due to it being a closed account since it is the final bill from the apartment. No way in hell to register it and get it setup to make online payments. Trust me, I wasted a good hour trying to find some computer logic loophole which would allow me to process that transaction via the majical computer box. So since I hate writing checks, I resigned myself to making a payment over the phone. Mindlessly punching buttons in the IVR system to get to a payment option, it finally rises out of the dark ocean of choices for me to spear with a desperate button mash. Instead of getting a live person, I get a damn computer that has me punch in my account number, card number, social security number, address, mother's maiden name, city I was born in, date I lost my first tooth, blood type, and a defining DNA marker in hexadecimal code, only to then be informed that she was "sorry Dave" (damn, drifted there for a minute), um, oh yeah, that there will be a $3.50 convenience fee added to my payment. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa and whoa! I do not pay companies for the convenience of not having to deal with me, especially when I am doing their job for them!!! So I pressed 7-3-3-4-3-f-5-c-*-cue ball-3-8 -000-q or whatever the hell crazy option it was to cancel my payment. Then I hung up and called straight back into the IVR system and navigated my way through the deep and dark forest jungle of options and stalked my way to a live person in the billing department because if I am going to pay an extra $3.50 then someone is damn well going to process that payment for me and chat with me a little bit about whatever the hell I can trick them into talking about so that I feel like I at least got something for my money, even if it was overpriced, unsatisfying, and not something that I would recommend for a leisure activity.

(Afterthoughts)
Granted that my company charges $5 for making a payment over the phone with a live person but that is because it is to encourage people to process it themselves which avoids that fee. Getting charged for using a self-service option defeats the entire purpose of self-service and I am seeing more and more companies that seem to be forgetting that valuable bit of procedure.

Screw the cells

For those of you who follow the cell phone feature trends, AT&T is releasing 2 brand new options this week. Oh, btw, when I say "brand new" I really mean they are finally getting around to offering services that other wireless carriers have already been offering for a long enough time period for a guy to grow an ankle length beard.

Slated for release on 09/20/2009 (or today for those who overlooked this postings date stamp) is something called the "A-list" which is nothing more than a long requested and long denied service of the now "old shoe" favorite list. Innovation knows no bounds for such an original idea. Color me less than impressed that they will now allow their customers to setup a list of a handful of phone numbers that they can call for free even if it is during their 15 hours of daily standard weektime daytime hours (at least they were smart enough to realize that weekends should be free).

Next, on 09/25/2009, is something that those who made the mistake of buying an iphone have most likely been painfully aware of the past few years: picture messages. Send a picture message to an iphone and what they actually receive is a text message with a link to a website where they can sometimes view that picture, and if they cannot get the picture to load (even odds) then you have managed to just waste 15 minutes of their life which they will never be able to get back. The fact that I am missing out on causing that annoyance to people does make me a bit sad because if I knew someone who had an iphone that mistakenly trusted me enough to give me their number, I would picture message the hell out of them simply for that reason alone. But alas, the self indulged zombies at Apple are finally releasing a software update for "the world's most advanced phone" which after several years of hard R&D and testing will allow iphones to send and receive picture messages just like the most basic $20 prepaid Go-Phone is capable of doing. All you will have to do is hook your iphone up to your icomputer via an icable and use your imouse to open itunes and install the isoftware iupdate (which was apparently created through some type of iritual which may or may not have involved iknives, premature dying ianimals, frightening and hastily drawn chalky isymbols, and oodles of iblood). After that has been completed then all you will have to do is call AT&T to talk to a frustrated and flusted customer service rep and scream at them for still not being able to properly send your friend (who lives next door and could more easily walk over and see the picture on your phone) the picture of your cat doing something which you think is award winning cute but everyone else finds lame and tiring enough to consider leaving a tasty bowl of antifreeze on their back porch as a "gift" for the overlooked talent master of looking at a camera with common animal stupidity.

(Afterthoughts)
Yes, I said your baby is stupid but when you start equating animals with humans then you are one step away from being willing to have sex with an animal. Hey, if it can be a human's babay then it had to come from somewhere, I can do the math bitches.

Back in the saddle again

After a long deserved break, mainly due to moving from a tiny apartment into a two story house mostly full of people (cause we all know that I am nothing if not anti-social) and my bloody annoying internet service not being able to be transferred for an entire two week period, I am once again back in the online world realm once again. Actually, I have been back for about half a week but since the Hello Kitty mmorpg closed beta I was invited to test was activated right after I moved, I spent the past couple of days trying to catch up on it (read the profile people, still thinks of herself as a hard-core gamer girl, anyone remember that???).

The news you can use and the blathering that you could probably do without but keep reading anyways will be returning soon to a computer near you (sorry but it takes time to slip into you house while you are asleep and type this stuff on your computers).

(Afterthoughts)
Y'all knew that I would slink back out of the shadows to poke everyone with a stick again at some point, and that time is nigh, um, or something.

Where is my calculator???

Yep, that is damn right! I am off to do some algebra, just try to stop me.



(Afterthoughts)
Go Team Smart(ass), hooray!!!

Damn tree huggers

As if I needed yet another reason to hate those activists.


Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women

(Afterthoughts)
At least my cage has a tight pair of headphones that come loaded with people screaming at me about how much they hate the cell service they willingly signed a contract with for 2 years.

More sound advice for the ladies (er, and some of the dudes)

"Get down on your knees and close your eyes,
Open your mouth for a big surprise," said the guy with a cocky smirk on his charming face.

"Fool me once shame on you,
Fool me twice shame on me,
Fool me three times and I may as well start charging," I replied.

(Afterthoughts)
I'm not saying if that was based upon any of my true life experiences or not.

BRB

I was gonna do a nice long rant tonight but instead am essentially ranting and bitching and yelling and laughing at my computer instead as I am taking a fun little test one of my friends found. I haven't managed to beat it as of yet but I will stay up as long as it takes (maybe) to complete it, or I might just go crazy (um, crazier???) instead. Try it if ya ain't a total sissy, um, which means most of y'all had better just turn your computers off now in terrible shame.

http://www.addictinggames.com/theimpossiblequiz.html?cid=YSSP

(Afterthoughts)
Still reading??? I guess you failed before even beginning then, muhahahahaha!!!!

Howdy crazy ladies ;)

Hi y'all, apparently according to the word on the street, my one roommate's ex-girlfriend and her mother are both still stalking me via my blog. So in light of that I figured I would take the time out of my busy schedule just to say "HELLO" to the both of them and invite them to go ahead and slink out of the shadows and say "HI" back to me. Comments are open on here so you don't need any type of special account set up to leave a message.

(Afterthoughts)
I do appreciate your continued patronage and hope to see you both keep coming back.

So much for holistic theory

(Afterthoughts)
I am soooooo disappointed :(

Ponder this ya tree hugger

Here is the thought to consider for today:

Animal rights activists are cliche well known for throwing paint onto expensive (and gorgeous) fur coats. Isn't that essentially belittling all the animals who died to make that by totally ruining their noble sacrifice to serve the exceedingly wealthy?

(Afterthoughts)
Silly, silly tree huggers, sigh.

You read this blog, ... ACHIEVEMENT

This is the reason I have not bothered to fix my PS3 yet. Seriously, gamers are totally screwed up in the head and I feel a hella lot better not being so immersed in that lifestyle nowadays.



(Afterthoughts)
Ok, ok, I just can't afford to fix my console yet. I'll be back in the loop someday.

My new fantasy job

A whole new spin on the telepathic job market if ya happen to be too prissy to get a bit sticky (it ain't that bad, ya got to shower some time anyways).



(Afterthoughts)
All I need to do is find some toxic waste then watch the cash roll on in.

Take your temperature

Music video Friday in celebration of the scalding summer temperatures. Do you know where your ice cubes are?



(Afterthoughts)
Nothings like the classics. By they way, your ice cubes are that puddle on the floor.

Like the Wii? Then go burn in hell bitch

Granted that I once owned a Wii console myself for a brief couple of months before I gave it to my sister's family for my little nephews to play with since they found the poor controls, childish games, and amusement from games taking less skill than extreme luck to successfully manage a lot more enjoyable than I ever was able to. Here is yet another excellent example of why I am right and everyone who is over the age of 2 years old and is delusional enough to believe that they are actually having fun with it are completely and totally WRONG!!!



(Afterthoughts)
Generally I am open to various opinions and preferences on a myriad range of topics, but this time if you feel differently, then screw you!

Fairness for all

Due to our boring lives in my 'lil house, we decided to truck on over to the next county over in order to go visit their county fair. We came to that exciting decision yesterday after seeing commericals for it on the TV's at the plasma donation center (which we saw played several times). Let's just say that it was a bit of an underwhelming experience but considering that we honestly did not have any thing better to do, it was alright in that comparison. At least I got a nice picture out of it and got to wear a cute dress that spends almost the entire time hanging in my closet, lost and forgotten.

(Afterthoughts)
Yeah I'm cuter than you, deal with it, MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Death to Indonesia

I literally spent nearly half an entire day trying to get the Hello Kitty mmorpg downloaded and running on my computer after one of my roommates ran across it a couple days ago. After I finally managed to get it loaded up and several failed login attempts, I scoured the forums trying to find a solution to my problem. Lo and behold, someone else has the exact same problem I was and the answer provided to them was thus:

Right now the only version that is live is the Indonesian version, which you can find at http://hellokittyonline.co.id/ . If you've downloaded the game from anywhere else, it's for a version that is not up and running.

Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn and damn!!!!!!!!

The english version is supposed to be opened up soon and until then I either have to show untypical patience or learn to read Indonesian.

(Afterthoughts)
Sigh, I'm so sad. And no, I am not getting soft, I like Hello Kitty because she is soooo damn creepy, how could I not admire and love her. :)

Musical video Fridayishness

With so many people's out there in the wild bluish green yonder posting songs/lyrics of meaningful proportions, I decided to hop up onto the bandwagon and join in the festivities. This is one of my current favs I have been playing a lot of lately that holds some subtle personal meaning to none other than myself (um, of course). Oh yeah, y'all probably wanted to know the deep rooted meaning I find nestled within it's deep dark walls ... Let's just go with an amusing rendition of my fall from grace into my half-demoness nature. Go Team Darkness!!! MUHAHAHAHA!!!



Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie

My baby, my baby,
Let me know
because you love me, you love me
Let me go
And you're my lover, you pay me
Twice my size
And on your knees you lay
In my thighs

Take my hand and let's end it all
She broke her little bones
On the boulders below
Take my hand and let's end it all

My baby, my baby
Let me go
And if you love me, you love me
Let me go
Cause I'm your brother, your brother
Have some pride
And now you love me, you love me
Then die tonight

Take my hand and let's end it all,
She broke her little bones
On the boulders below
Take my hand and let's end it all
Broke her little bones
On the boulders below
And while she fell I delightfully said

Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie

She took my hand and I let her go
She broke her little bones
On the boulders below
Took my hand and she ended it all
Broke her little bones on the boulders below
And while she fell, I smiled.

Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie
Lalalalalalalala lie lie lie

(Afterthoughts)
The last line says it all, "And while she fell, I smiled," and even today I still do otherwise my mind would probably break along with what is left of my soul.

BOO!!!

I'm been a bit busy lately and neglecting things here... um, too bad so sad, blah blah blah. I did however actually clean up nice for work today and decided to post a pic as proof and give me a reason to at least write some type of pointless drivel so y'all know that I am still alive.



The reason I have been away from the whole blogging world lately and mostly ignoring everyone else's blogs as well other than a quick speed read scan every few days is due to my PS3 dying on me a couple weeks ago. Since that happened everyone in my house (all 3 of us) have started playing a free mmorpg called Destiny. We are playing on the Penguin server if anyone decides to join in. It is kinda a cute game (much to my roommates disgust) and they complain to me a bit too often that it had to have been designed by a group of chicks (hooray, I sure as hell hope so). But that is what has been sucking away my free time, and speaking of which, is exactly where I am off to now.

(Afterthoughts)
Um, never mind, I got a game to get to...

Why English Teachers Die Young

Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of similes and metaphors found in actual high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are some recent ones.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances, like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3.. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound
a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools..

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

(Afterthoughts)

I found this particularly amusing considering that my sister has a teaching degree in English and ironically teaches Art (which she got her second teaching degree in).

I am not a hat

If you don't get it then you have already been brainwashed. Go off and do your little dance then.

(Afterthoughts)
Sheesh, it is from a Pinky and the Brain episode (and no, I am not telling which one).

Politically incorrect festival

Apparently they have what is known as a "pride festival" going on in my state capital this weekend. Being brimming with pride in my own overflowing awesomeness, it would seem like the ideal place for me to go to expand my massive infamy. However, I discovered, luckily before I made the drive, that they used "pride" in an entirely alternate meaning. And when I say "alternate," I really mean the fabulously decorated type of alternate. Turns out that pride is actually rather gay, and I mean that in the literal sense. Not really the best place for a common as dirt, poorly dressed, straight girl to go wandering off into. Especially when she is half-demoness and half-Amazonian which could very easily cause me to be mistaken as some type of big burly dominating lesbian (other than the bulging muscles which I totally lack along with completely zero desire of sexual interest in other women). I love my gay and lesbian friends, but purely in a platonic way and plan on it staying that way.

So in honor of the hardships and trials of lifestyles of my friends who swing to a much more fabulous beat, here is a rainbow for y'all.



(Afterthoughts)
If you wish to read about the unfairness of a rainbow being used as a symbol for alternative lifestyles (did anyone ask it if it wanted to be that type of symbol???), Tannerleah did a wonderful post on that subject titled "Why Do Rainbows Have To Be Gay?" which you all should go read right this instant.

Poop Freeze

In yet another truth is stranger than fiction story, I ran across this legitimate product for sale. Poop Freeze. At the top of the screen it has a picture of a smiling dog head wearing sunglasses with a caption bubble saying, none the less, "Just frost & toss!"

Their official advertise goes as such (thanks to the wonderful and magical world of "cut and paste").

POOP-FREEZE™ is an emergency pet product that every pet owner should have. Just keep it under the sink for those occasions in which your pet has diarrhea or loose stool. Poop Freeze is ideal for new pet owners as their pets are learning the basics of potty training. Poop Freeze is also great for seasoned pet owners whose pets occasionally make a mess in the house. Poop Freeze is safe to use both on carpet and vegetation. Just Frost & Toss with Poop Freeze.

Poop Freeze "frosts" poop in order to make it easier to pick-up. This frosting gets rid of most smells right away. All sales are final.

Why stop there? It would be great for little kids as well. Or how about poor old grandpa and his embarrassing little problem, the solution is in the can (so to speak).

I'm sure it would great fun at parties as well: no need to buy a ball for the kids to play with, just provide a high fiber meal and before you know it you can dress all the kids up in monkey suits and let them go wild, and all without the unsightly mess.

Care about the environment, then take sculpture to an all new level, or even carve dolls for the younglings to play house with. Oh boy Barbie, smells like Ken needs a bath, ha ... ha ... ha.

Makes an even better prank for the neighbors too: just imagine the laughs when they go to stomp out that flaming paper bag only to fracture their foot when they slam their arch on top of it. The laughs as y'all reminiscence about that will last for a lifetime.

I am just wondering why y'all are still reading this instead of ordering it before supplies run out.

(Afterthoughts)
Those damn dirty apes. (I may have just sunk to an all time low with this post, sheesh).

Cupid had a heart attack

Nothing like reminiscing about former love.



(Afterthoughts)
It was the last story that made the entire episode. Kinda reminds me of what people look like when I start talking.

5 year old's first job

I would once again like to think Mr. Jeff for providing me with yet another post via email story.

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?

(Afterthoughts)
Sort of reminds me of myself at that age although I had a doll for an administrative assistant.

inFamous

The review of my current video game which is sucking away my sleep like a greedy cholesterol vampire locked away in a chicken skin pudding factory.



(Afterthoughts)
Ironic that I was planning on doing the good character until later on just to screw with the npc's.

Asleep at the wheel

Um, just ignore the dates next to my postings [these are not the droids you are looking for] etc... I have been recently neglecting things here and the cobwebs and dust are building up and I promise that I intend to remedy that soon. Honestly, between work and school and writing for my mystery side project which I refuse to ever discuss on here (um, other than just now apparently), time has been scarce. Factor in that I have a new video game (Infamous) y'all can understand the oversight. See ya soon.

(Afterthoughts)
Really, that is the entire post. It is like getting to the bottom of the cereal box only to discover that the toy had gotten broken into several jagged pieces and most likely quite a few of the chunks had gotten eaten. Not really the best surprise one can hope for even though technically is does qualify as one hell of a surprise (and maybe a visit to the hospital).

Fun with dynamite

This is the actual original newscast from 1970. More proof that truth is stranger than fiction.



You can visit the official website to learn more of the amazing details.

(Afterthoughts)
Damn tree huggers would not allow such a sweet possibility to ever happen again. I guess there were a few good things that came out of the 70's,um, including me.

Enjoy your weekend

(Afterthoughts)
Looks like a great idea!

Of course I'm freaking tall, you damn eyes are correct

Yes it is true, I'm fucking tall, or to better put it... I don't own a ladder since it would be a waste of money. At a dizzying 6'3" while barefooted, and no, I do not wear heels ... ever ... because I have common sense and get annoyed when the other rare tall girls bitch about the problems they encounter while doing that. But that is a rant in and of itself.

The brief point I am getting close to physically making is that one of the foolish humans who asks me if I played basketball yet again is going to get a basketball shoved down their fool throat right before I string them up from a hoop.

(Afterthoughts)
Y'all most likely already figured out the question of the day I had to endure again at work.

Love the planning

As yet another twisted situation of truth being stranger than fiction:

The road I live on runs the entire length of one whole block with a T road at each end. The street sign at the east side says "Ave." while the street sign at the west end says "St." Damn, gotta love governmental planning.

(Afterthoughts)
I could have taken pictures as proof but that seemed like too much work for something typically screwed up.

Season 3 for you & me :)

The newest season of Unforgotten Realms is now officially started. Here is the premier episode to start things off. If you missed out on the first 2 seasons, drop what you are doing and follow the link to watch them now !!!!



(Afterthoughts)
Hell yeah, makes me wanna cast a spell ...

School (yawn) report

This is one of the assignments I did this past week for my ethics class (which I think is a cruel class to make a half-demoness take). It was in answer to a question about how much responsibility a person has with free-will.

Free will or not free will, and how can we ever tell for sure which one is accurate? If someone knows what the future holds, then there would not be any free will because the way events and actions will occur has already been determined. We could no more alter the future than we could alter the past. The best that we would have is a mere illusion of free will with no more actual power to shape events than the characters in a book could change the story that they are in. If that is the case then we have no responsibility for our actions since there is absolutely no way at all to change our behavior. However, since we have no practical way of knowing if free will is simply an illusion, we have to assume that we are in control of our choices. That means that we are responsible for what we do and how we do it. Of course there are various degrees that lessen the levels of that based on the mental capacity of the person involved. Obviously a small child is unable to make an advanced moralistic judgment as hopefully compared to an adult. Then there are people who are stricken with diseases of the mind which limit their understanding of ethical concerns as well. For the most part we are able to take full credit for our actions with only an occasional lessening based on unique situations where rash decisions or desperation was required such as the “kill or be killed” scenario.

(Afterthoughts)
I have gotten into arguments with my apartment's local self proclaimed prophet over free will several times already and had to rewrite that posting a few times before I could turn it in since I turned extremely vindictive and angry in my writing as the memories of our fights surfaced in my typing. It is annoying to fight with someone who thinks we have no free will because god knows everything, including the future which means events are already set, then turns around claiming that we can still make choices. Argh!!!!

Tombstone

I would like to thank a friend for sending me another wonderful email (hint: this post is that email). However I kinda disagree with it since I think our country actually died long ago and current events are just part of our eternal punishment.



Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of Law, St. Paul , Minnesota , points out some interesting facts concerning the Presidential election:

* Number of States won by: Democrats:19 Republicans: 29
* Square miles of land won by: Democrats: 580,000 Republicans: 2,427,000
* Population of counties won by: Democrats:127 million Republicans: 143 million
* Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Democrats: 13.2 Republicans: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: "In aggregate, the map of the territory Republican won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of the country. Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..."

Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals and they vote, then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years. If you are in favor of this, then by all means, ignore this message.

If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

(Afterthoughts)
If y'all wanna be a commie, then ya ain't ever gonna like reading a lot of what I post. Pa, go grab me shotgun!

Thee Dragon Slayer Comith

Ahhh, death in even it's tiniest form can be misconstrued into something full of grandeur and megalomania.

Today's adventure consisted of me returning sleepy-eyed to my apartment door after stumbling out to the mailbox to collect nothing less than my very own single piece of mail (surprise surprise). As I stood in the glaring sunlight finishing a cigarette, I noticed a little wasp nest in the corner of my doorway, with a yellow striped flying and poison coated sword it wielded with it's ass. Damn! I'm not sure if such a skill is more creepy, disturbing, impressive, or just disgusting!?! I battled it with my own sword (er, flyswatter) but ended in a mere draw (er, me running and screaming like a little girl back into my apartment where I locked the door as if that would help).

Hand to hand combat would not work against this devious creature so what options did I have left (my damn neighbor is gone for a few days and could not champion this poor damsel). So falling back on my half-demoness nature I thought perhaps I could nag it to death (or at least leaving my cave entrance). Again no luck other than the general agitation I usually cause. So back into my lair to lurk whist pondering my next option.

Hi Ho! I live in America and therefore should utilize our rich and overkill combative culture. CHEMICAL WARFARE!!! First attack to soften 'em up, 409 (which kills ants almost instantly for those who did not know that little fact since I'm all about education or something???). I think it freaked the enemy out a bit and cause the vile creature to become dangerously erratic. Perhaps not my best choice since it showed such enduring armor. Trial 2 I had more hope for, Scrubbing Bubbles! I calculated that if I could encase it in toxic foam it would surely struggle for a while until it worked itself into exhaustion and succumbed to death.

First blast produced a ball of foam totally encasing it giving me a brief flash of arrogant satisfaction, right up to the point that the little ball of buzzing fury started to shake its way out of the toxin. Another blast, then another, then another, then yet another, and still it kept coming and breaking free. Then finally silence. Was it preparing for a final all out counterattack? As I stood on guard, watching ... waiting ... scanning the blob of foam sliding down my doorway it finally appeared out of the gloom. I silently observed it's cold and lifeless body drift down to the ground in a pool of lemon scented foam, never to move another jagged limb again.

Victory is mine!!!!!

(Afterthoughts)
It was a somber victory at best since such a difficult and well executed battle with thine enemy deserves a show of respect for it's worthy and honorable death.

Game not quite over

Ok, I actually played my new (and improved?) Wolverine game last night. I admit that I was kinda nervous because (1) movie tie-in games always suck & (2) I still have nightmares from the game on the PS2 a few years back (if you played it you know exactly what I meant). The new (and improved?) game is actually pretty kick ass. I had enough blood drenched mutant healing factor slice and dice fun that I stayed up until almost 7am this morning playing it (I got home at 1:30am from work). So yeah, I am hella tired but it was sooooo worth it, and I'll do it again tonite at least to the time when my eyes burn too bad to see very well.

(Afterthoughts)
By the way Mr. Jeff, you will be happy to know that it does not take 8 hours to kill Wendigo in this game (superfist of the bad memory... full body shiver attack!)

New game

My birthday (May 12th) was a fairly underwhelming affair. I went to the laundry mat (woo hoo???) and then got all dolled up (eek, rare occurrence) and sat on my couch reading a book. I sent out a few text messages to some of my friends since we had all agreed to go out to the bar to celebrate me turning 35 Yep, 35, I am not gonna lie about my age like the freaking pissed off cliche chicks who switch into pure bitchy mode if someone even hints they might be anything other than 29 at the absolutely eldest regardless of the fact that your grandmother looks younger than them. Of course I did not hear a single thing back from any of them so I said hell with it and decided to stay in and enjoy a quiet night to myself for once.

That didn't quite work out that way although it was not too far off. My neighbor stopped by around 11 pm and decided to take me out to eat. Hooray for Denny's being open 27/7. Then yesterday (Friday which was 3 days after my birthday) I got a card in the mail from my Mom. She sent me a gift card for Wal-Mart and my 2 oldest nephews sent me headbands and ponytail holders (yea!) conveniently stuffed inside the card.

Every single year since before I was a teenaged moody/bitchy girl (funny how things never seem to change) I have gotten a videogame for both my birthday and Christmas each year with no break in that tradition. So to keep things going I used most of the gift card to buy a birthday game (she sent a giftcard so I could pick out what game I wanted). Sadly, they have a poor selection most of the time (um, try a Gamestop card next time, OK) but I finally decided upon "X-Men Origins Wolverine, -Uncaged Edition-" since it seemed like the best choice which I did not already own.

As far as what makes it an "uncaged edition" I have no idea since every copy I have seen of this game claims the same thing. It was my understanding that in order to have any type of special edition product, you first needed an inferior original product to compare it to and spout out how much better the newer and shinier one is. But alas, clever marketing has totally cut out the inconvenience of promoting the original and jumped straight to the improved version but cutting out the middle man game in the first place.

That is total fucking crap! A clever and misleading marketing scheme does not have the ability to make anything better by simply slapping a nicer label on it. Don't like the taste of Haggis then try the new and improved version which you can tell is totally different because it says so on the packaging. Blah!

(Afterthoughts)
Watch for my new and improved special -uber bitchy edition- blog coming soon to a computer near you!!!

Policy

Yet another bitchy blog about my job. Ouch!

This is my new explanation to customers who try to demand that I give them credits on their bill when it is not justified, or when they try to get even more out of me. This is the scenario: "I understand that you would enjoy getting some extra money, but think of it like this. I work for you and am here to help out, but it is similar to being a school teacher. A teacher works for the students but is underneath the school's policies and guidelines. So just because a student may have messed something up on a test, they cannot demand that the teacher gives them a better grade simply because that is what they want even though the teacher could alter the records from a technical standpoint. That hurts everyone, including the student and can cost the teacher her job. If I handed out credit to everyone it would not only cost me my job but it also hurts all the customers by increasing the prices for everyone, including them."

(Afterthoughts)
Of course there are sketchy yet valid points to that but hopefully customers will get the point that I'm not a fraking ATM.

Wait? What!?!

Off on my way to work yesterday I, um, screamed, when I saw this lying on my sidewalk thinking that it was a scorpion waiting to attack me (don't ask what I have been through if that was what immediately hit my mind). Turned out to be just a dried out crawdad so I poked it with a stick and broke it dried twig-like legs off pushing it around (with the stick of course).



(Afterthoughts)
I'm not even gonna ask how the hell it ended up on the sidewalk when there are no nearby lakes/ponds/rivers/streams. Let's go with the military policy on this one (don't ask/ don't tell).

3 year old I.Q.

Granted that I am simply cute and adorable, yet that does not make me talk like a freaking child. For god's sake, I'm just a couple weeks away from my 35th birthday. So I wonder why the hell do some of the other girls I know feel the need to use words like "nummy" or "boo boo" or "potty," seriously, WTF!!! This is part of their normal conversation with other adults.

Now I totally understand the whole mommy thing (OK, sort of understand it since I only have had 3 nephews to deal with and none of my own brats as of yet) but unless you are speaking to a child those types of annoying baby talk should not be used. Hell, neither my sister or I have ever spoken like that to the 3 boys other than when they were infants. They were raised (like my sister and me) using real language like we would need to be able to speak during our entire lives. When I was a young half-demoness child (before my first baby fangs grew in) I spoke more like an adult than these women who have hit middle age or later.

It does not matter how smart or talented she may be, as soon as she describes a sandwich as "nummy" I am unable to help deducting at least 50 I.Q. points from her perceived intelligence immediately. Give me a long enough conversation and I start to wonder if she might not be a zombie due to her apparently having a -300 I.Q. with no obvious brain function. If you want to act like a child you can damn sure bet I'm going to treat you like one, and also like the kind who should be wearing a helmet on their head 24/7.

(Afterthoughts)
If you have a "boo boo" try snagging a picnic basket to make yourself feel better instead of bothering me with the mumbled details with your negative intelligence.

I could be a star

New Video Game Technology Finally Allows Rendering Of Smaller Breasts

Clicky click on the link for the full story.

(Afterthoughts)
I finally might be able to have my likeness immortalized in a video game now and fulfill a life long dream, hooray!

Welcome one and all

For those who managed to find me here and was not provided a link by me, congratulations on your successful stalking practices, thy am impressed. I axed my old blog for personal reasons and yet completely copied in into this new one essentially moving it to a new address and shaking off all my followers in a long and dirty car chase. Welcome to my temporary shack on the internet and perhaps the seagulls won't drive me off this stretch of beach anytime soon.

(Afterthoughts)
The old blog is mostly dead, here is the proof (along with a sarcastic song for my old fans).

Everyone point and laugh

Good news everybody, no more pictures, and by default, videos either (hopefully I won't lose the video I made today while waiting for the ban to be lifted). In order to show the futility of special interest groups making demands to have their own unique laws that apply only to them in order to provide them with extra protections, I am comparing this lawmaking folly with the anonymous comment on a blog post from a week ago. Since they refused (OK, they are just a bigger sissy than me and I have worn dresses the past 3 days) and I can't lump them into the general queue of my typical haters out there, I have to afford them "special interest status" and since they were complaining about my pictures I am going to stop doing that, at least until my experiment turns boring (which thanks to my attention span should not last too long).

Screw special interest groups and their whiny "I deserve extra amends since there are only several hundred thousand of us in this state/country/whatever." All that does is start the domino chain crashing down as more and more groups get annoyed that they don't have extra rights as well. Axe them all and just improve the general state of things which benefits everybody regardless of their clique.

(Afterthoughts)
I am going to lobby for discounts on virgin blood for demonic rituals since I stopped being able to use my own years ago and the rising costs limit my celebrations nowadays.

New answer

I have come up with a new reply to people who ask me how tall I am (don't bother, I'm 6'3" half-demoness, half-Amazonian). I am going to immediately ask them a question in return, "How much do you weigh?" When they look at me in surprised shock, I'll just say that it is an uncomfortable question for an uncomfortable question, seems like a fair trade to me.

(Afterthoughts)
I may be a bitch but I am open about that, most people are rude and cruel and don't even realize how bad of a person they are or that they are anything other than civil. Stupid humans.

Unfortunately serious

I'm slowly becoming convinced that the death of my job is gonna come with me bitching back at a customer for their blatant stupidity and overwhelming rudeness. Generally those human qualities don't bother me more than anything else about you weird human worm babies, but that has always counter-depended upon me being able to slide in sarcastic jabs and bitchiness back at them. Sadly, a demure and polite attitude must be held at all times on the phone which is a terrible disappointment to me personally. And not to highlight my 3 worst calls of yesterday which freakishly came close to throwing me into tears at a few points (mainly because of me being unable to release any of my anger and frustration).

1) Topic: international calls. Time: 1 1/2+ hrs.
Canada is a different country than the U.S. Even if you had poor schooling, that is an easy concept to grasp that my nephew who isn't even in school yet completely understands. If you call out of the country, you get charged a flat rate per minute for doing so, and even if you have an international plan on your line, you still get charged a flat rate albeit a much lower one. If you don't want to be charged for doing that, don't make those calls after you have been warned that it will cost you to do so, on multiple occasions, and even gotten most of it credited back to you for pretending that you didn't realize it cost money. Simple! Except when you find a loophole which allows you to think you can fleece the system and the fact that you speak to a different person each time you call. Unfortunately he did not get the "free money reimbursement" for his valid charges for international calls because he annoyed me right off the bat by making demands that I credit him back for calls he made and that he didn't have much time to waste with a girl over the phone. It basically went with him lying to me about what he had been told and me looking up notes from other reps he had dealt with showing he had been told about the charges he was getting on multiple occasions. He got angrier and somehow even ruder the more I validated that his calls were valid charges he knowingly made, at one point even pointing out that a number he claimed he had never called and did not know who that was and had only returned their call to him (which only showed an outgoing call with no incoming calls from that number) I managed to find 6 other calls he had made to that number totally up 77 minutes of talk time. So I asked if that was not someone he knew, why did he make several calls to it that month and talk to someone he did not know for an hour and a half? No answer on that one but he did start ranting about a different topic which slowly happened again and again as he continued to grasp at straws only to return to how he is going to be credited for his calls to Canada. (Ha, good luck with that!) I finally offered him $25 if he would say that his charges were valid and pay his bill. Nope, then he started swearing at me that I was insulting him with charity and that he demanded I credit his calls. After about 5 minutes of him yelling at me everytime I said "I apologize sir but those are valid charges that you knowing racked up and had been educated about on multiple occasions and I am unable to credit you due to that fact" several times until he finally screamed to give him the $25 and he would call back tomorrow and talk to someone who knew what the hell they were doing because he wasted an hour and a half of his weekend talking to me and deserved to get something for that as well. I kinda went borderline sarcasm at that point saying that I would like to point out that he did call us and was able to hang up at anytime he chose. He repeated it again and I told him that I was soooo sorry but he is not getting that $25 because like I informed him earlier I was simply giving him that as a curtesy for his time for me educating him that his bill was valid and he was responcible for paying it. A couple minutes of arguing about that and he finally hung up, and I noted in his account that he is not to be given credit for anything due to him simply calling in repeatedly over charges he knew he was making and then trying any angle he could to keep getting free money.

2) A woman with a new phone was swearing at me that I obviously didn't know my job at all because I didn't immediately know every single little detail about how her phone works off the top of my head (like I freaking designed the damn thing) and not 1 minute later seriously asked me where the power button was on it so that she could turn it on. (Duh, I don't know, the tin cans with string never had a power button) effing bitch didn't even know how to turn on a phone and still had the audacity to call me stupid.

3) A woman needed some security codes for her phone because someone keeps screwing with the settings, she didn't like that I had to look those up (sorry I didn't memorize them in case you called in) and then got pissed when she started asking me how her ex-husband was messing up her phone over the internet. What! Like I have a clue how someone could hack a phone after which a few minutes later she admitted that he was an IT genius, yet expected the first and lowest level of phone support to know exactly how a psycho hacker was screwing with her phone. I still wonder if she wasn't a bit nuts or he was actually that good.

(Afterthoughts)
Y'll may as well start taking bets on how long I will last at this job.

Contract fullfilled

There all you whiners go, the picture of me in a dress. What?!? It's not a full length pic you say? Well, too bad so sad, live with it bitches.

(Afterthoughts)
I even managed to capture my typical scowl as well, hard to get much more accurate than that.Just to shut y'all up, there is a nicer version, sheesh!

3 for 3 & all about nothin'

Three is such a magical number, la la la, something something something ... My wonderful work outfit for today. As y'all remember since you read and remember my words with an incessant fever, when I wear jeans I also have to wear a red top, per company dress code policy. To be honest, the red shirt I have on is a guy's button down shirt which is about 4 sizes too big for me but works great to "expand" my allowable work clothes by tossing it on over a non-red colored shirt. The black one really is a barcode that says "HUMAN::V6.2.4::6841634b6572" and ironically is sad that I have to have something "proving" that I can qualify as human. The reason for today's picture is that I had decided I was going to post one today about 2 days ago, however, as per Murphy's Law, I was planning on looking a bit nicer by wearing a dress (really, I was, stop acting shocked) but due to the weather decided prudence was the better part of valiance. It is windy as hell today and seriously looks like a rainstorm could hit on a moments notice (so lets hope that moment stays unnoticed). Sorry 'bout your luck all, but that is the way the cookie crumbs get ground into the carpet to feed future generations of ants (something like that, damn confusing and hard to remember quotes).

(Afterthoughts)
Cute and lazy, what a combo, muhahahaha!

Snapped like a twig

I generally don't do more than a "ships passing in the night" rant on here, or even in person, about bizarre gender differences and the perceptions (ok, mostly my perception that as crazy as other women are, men are a hella lot worse). And this will be be just a brief observation as well. (Hey! I heard that sigh of relief from y'all!!!)

As per my weekly/biweekly breaking/chipping of yet another one of my nails (how I even manage to get them grown out at all is one of life's great mysteries) I stepped outside to cut it off and give it a quick rubdown with my nail file. As I was trimming it down to the cracked section, I once again had the reoccurring thought about how us girls can work on our nails and appear all cool and cute while doing so. However, for the poor guys out there, a man can only ever look cool trimming down his nails if he is using a knife to do so.

(Afterthoughts)
Sorry about your luck boys, but somehow I don't think you are really all that concerned when it comes to nail care.

Fantas-fananitic

As a public service I am gonna leave out most of the sordid details for y'all.

The irony of where I moved is that at the opposite end of my apartment complex lives a "self proclaimed" prophet (I sense through the force that y'all know where this is heading). So there is some amazing irony that on the opposite side from him lives everyone's favorite (and cute) half-demoness (*superfist of the dazzling smile attack, with only a hint of fang*). And naturally we clash rather hard when he starts spouting out his twisted religious dogma and like any good fanatic will simply repeat his point incessantly in an increasing volume of voice to interrupt the points I am trying to make which question the glaring holes in his logic (like driving off of a 100 foot cliff: "I swear I drive this way everyday and it was never there before, somebody must have dug out this enormous crevice several miles wide last night while I was asleep). According to his own words on how God works, he would be going straight to hell even faster than little ole me, EXCEPT that he has been forgiven already and apparently that remains proactive and effective for the rest of his life, and he is incapable of any more sin and what I would consider to be a sin is for him merely a "learning experience." *sigh* Hopefully we will get assigned to different areas of hell, but knowing how those situations generally work out, he will have the torture chamber right next to mine. :(

(Afterthoughts)
What a life: murder, stealing people's wives, eating chicken wings everyday until his stomach is ready to explode; all guilt and sin free too. Must be nice, although it is probably better for everyone that I personally don't have that privilege cause we all know I would totally use those rights if I had them.

That time of the month, ... yet again

Yesterday I started the new cycle which comes every 5 weeks. New school class! I am pretty much screwed for this one considering it is an ethics class. Hopefully I am as good as I think I am at bluffing my way through things because ethics is not exactly one of the strong points for a half-demoness. Not at all! However, since my other choice is to drop out of school (there is always a choice people, just because you may not like it does not mean that another option is not there) I am just going to grind my teeth and slink my way through this course by hopefully staying under the radar.

Per tradition (if doing this a few times qualifies as "tradition") here is the picture I used in my introduction post for my new class. And I am still one of the few people who know how to sneak a photo into our message boards although I have heard of another person that managed it in a different class. Yes, I know this picture sucks, no need to remind me (unless you enjoy stabbing at my pride in which case go for it and have some fun, I'm cool with it) but I needed a new and current picture so had to roll with how I looked at the time. At least it is definitely an accurate idea of how I generally look, at least when I have a hoodie on and with my hair pulled back.



(Afterthoughts)
Y'all have no idea how close you came to getting the "choices" rant. Surprisingly I managed to hold myself back this time, but don't expect that to happen very often, muhahahaha!

Thank you for calling ... (blah blah blah)

I had my graduation Friday at work for completing training and am now an "official" customer service agent. They gave us our cards to scan the doors open (which made us lucky because some people who finished training over a month ago still haven't gotten theirs) but we have not gotten ID pictures taken yet. So I of course made my own (as y'all can damn well see, um, minus my scribbled out last name for posting here). And yes, I will still keep that picture on the back side of my ID once I have a "real" one. I was also lucky enough to get the hours I wanted which were a bit later than the typical 2nd shift I worked for so many years, and even luckier to get my two days off in a row instead of having them split apart by a few days like several people have gotten stuck with. The bad thing is that my days off are Monday/Tuesday, but that may help encourage me to work overtime because of that (which I desperately need for the money) and since I often have long written reports due on Mondays that will give me an entire day to make up for my procrastination with a major all-day panic writing/typing fest.

(Afterthoughts)
The picture is from "Teen Girl Squad" which is an awesome cartoon that you need to go check out NOW!!!