I read an article in Time today warning us of the newest dangerous hazard to the very lifes and souls of our poor under-protected schoolchildren. If you are a parent you had best drop whatever you were planning on doing after reading this and march straight up to your kids room and search it with a fine tooth comb, for their own good of course. Our innocently misguided youth have once again shown us sensible adults that kids need to be watched and monitored better and thanks to the high and mighty reactionist school systems for knowing the deadly better then us. This terrible evil from the 7th, er, maybe it was the 8th circle of hell itself has creeped under our very noses and it goes by the name of "Silly Bandz."
Don't think they sound so evil, just ask Jill Wolborsky, a fourth-grade teacher. She has the foresight to ban them in her classroom before the school finally dragged their feet into making them contraband and she fearfully and elegantly proclaimed their inncessant evil by stating, "It's a distraction." I say well said Jill, if that isn't a good enough reason to give in to the fear of Silly Bandz devouring our children's souls, then you must live in a world that is blind to the most simple and basic of common senses.
It makes me lament the struggle I personally had to endure as a schoolchild where teachers would borrow pocketknives off students when they had forgotten to bring theirs in with them that day. Being forced to witness students wearing all manner of clothing that was not a uniform, and the nearest metal detector was not even at the local courthouse, but all the way over at the county courthouse. How any of us managed to make it through school without dying from paranoia at the open freedoms our young and impressionable minds were forcibly exposed to I will never know.
Thank God that we have such outstanding protectors monitoring today's kids with high surveillance equipment, armed guards, daily searches, metal detectors around every hallway corner, roaming packs of dogs, titanium locks, high tension electrified barbed razor wire, automated gun turret guard towers surrounding the schools perimeter, and school administration staff who realize the importance of actively seeking out the latest threat to our kids well being which would prevent a normal upbringing instead of actually bothering with the whole process of actual education.
(Afterthoughts)
*sigh* if only I could have been born 30 years later and been allowed to have a proper school experience.
3 comments:
Safety-Nazis. How many things we did as children are now unthinkable, riding in the open bed of a pickup truck,climbing a tree, playing tag... Wtf
When I was young (very young) my elder sister was drawn along in a craze for a toy called Clackers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clackers
This must be the most inane past time ever like a yo-yo but without the ability any thing but swing them about.
They were eventually banned and withdrawn from sale supposedly for safety reasons or perhaps because some principle somewhere got a guilt complex over seeing young girls swinging two balls in each others faces.
Rachel X
@ Rachel
I remember clackers and actually saw some of them last month in a dollar store. My sister and I burned through a few sets of them when we were young along with a handful of bruises too.
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