Lip Balm is supposedly a rated G product. You see it everywhere, in stores, restaurants, kiosks, vending machines, gas stations, truck stops, and even your child's school. It comes in many different friendly colors and flavors, seductively enticing us with it's kiss of {such & such popular generic flavor} or even a well know cartoon character. The noble purpose was originally to provide an occlusive layer on the lip surface to seal moisture in lips and protect them from the external exposure of dry air, cold temperatures and wind's drying effect on skin as they draw moisture out of the body.
I-R-O-N-I-C ... or is it just a twisted scheme to subtlety condition us to other, more uncommon products. Originally the first lip balm was made out of actual earwax, which although functional, lacked a certain popularity due to it's taste. That should have been an early warning sign that things would turn much, much darker.
Now on to snow. Light, fluffy, and just plain outright delicious. Infamous for playing a vital part in the old fashioned "lemon snow cone" prank that while appearing enticing will just leave you addicted to mouthwash. Once merely the schoolyard domain of immature boys, it now can be for immature girls as well...
Don't take life sitting down... but for this amazing breakthrough you actually should just for safety. It is GoGirl, the dishwasher friendly (just toss in next to your plates & sporks) medical grade silicone way to stand up to crowded, disgusting, distant or non-existent bathrooms. Is that a FUD in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? GoGirl fits easily in your purse, pocket, glove compartment, or even your lover's mouth. As they say... You won’t be like a man. You’ll just pee like one. And... and ... um ... um .... hmmmm
Damn, I hate when I have such a golden opportunity splashed in my lap and I just can't decide which way to run off giggling like a madgirl twisting the perspective on it and giving it a couple of good shakes before we just zip it away back into hiding. Ahh, let's just call it a day and enjoy the relief of not having to hold this one in any longer and now that I have flushed it out of my system I can get back to more mature topics as I sit here with the lingering traces of concentration on my face.
(Afterthoughts)
Hee hee, I'm still giggling about the snow writing title gag.
6 comments:
No pictures?
Caroline xx
Makes me wonder what Elmer "FUD" was into.
If they start putting urinals in the girls room then how will I know if I walked into the wrong bathroom at the airport.
As always, Brilliant. You go girl!
Julia Mitchell
You make me laugh...
Kind of reminds me of that classic and emotional ballad, Detachable Penis, by the incredibly well known group, King Missile.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4
I always wanted one of those. Actually, I always want to lose it.
Never have written my name (any of them) in the snow. Rather hard to find that stuff around here.
I grew up playing in the snow, but truth to tell, writing my name in it never appealed to me when I could. Why start now? Mind you the pee standing up cup for women has been around for decades. Any good camping supply place always has them.
Plus if you are really ambitious, there are FAQs on the internet that will teach you how to do it, no hardware required.
And for those folks who really want to make a statement, there is the Shenis. I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. And in a world gone totally mad, there are dykes who wish the Shenis could also be used for sex, so that way there would a whole new fun to "packing" as it's called. And yes, I've heard butch dykes lament this.
We live in an interesting world.
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