Freezer burnt

2 solid days of rage burning away my insides as I walked around with a 'smile' plastered to my face and chatted and joked around with everyone. No one realized just how badly my insides were being charred away which is exactly how things are supposed to be, my place is to suffer in silence (and bitch about it here lol.) Although the group of guys I hang out with on breaks did notice that I was kind of wound up more than usual, I always rant about silly nonsense stuff anyway and the intensity is generally enjoyed when I get worked up about something and keep everyone laughing. But anyway, the fires pretty much simmered down to embers about the time I hit last break at work with 2 more hours left before I could go home. By the time I walked into my house I had lost most of the feeling in my soul. So I sat on my couch outside on my front porch reflecting about everything and anything for a while. That turned out to eventually turn out to become an hour and a half in the cold air and only after I was shivering so badly that I was way past the point where I should have been able to stand it did I return inside the house. Other than quite possibly giving myself a cold (I'll know before the weekend is over) I neither resolved nor even made any progress towards resolving anything other than deciding to reflect in a warmer environment from now on (which isn't actually a bad lesson in and of itself although I should have already known that lol.) My brain feels like it has been dipped and coated in wax (why couldn't it at least have been chocolate?) and some type of 6th sense has been cut off leaving me feeling half blind and half deaf to the world and myself. All the colors and sounds are still there but seem washed out and faded. I know logically that I should care and be bothered by this but I can't really muster up very much rebellion against it. It feels calm and serene and drifting thru everything feeling only ghosts of emotions is frighteningly comforting. I seriously wonder if my internal debates should not be how to get out of this state but rather how do I maintain it.

(Afterthoughts)
I'll be sure to wave as I drift on by. And as I read over all I had written I am always amazed at how well I misdirect without even having to try by slipping silly jokes etc. into everything, that is sooo awesome-o!