Holiday update

There was a lot of good times had over the holidays with my little nephews that I will cherish forever. A few bad times too (no more dating the guy I had started seeing, that is over almost before it started). But spending a couple days with my favorite little boys was the highlight of my month and always makes my 3 1/2 drive worth it. No matter how cold hearted I manage to become, they just have a way of melting all the ice the instant I see them.

(Afterthoughts)
It took me about all of 5 miles of driving home before I started crying because I missed my nephews and long after the trip was over to stop choking back the tears and manage to make myself numb enough to only vaguely feel the pain (damn emotions lol.)

I want y'all fattened up in case I get snowed in with you this winter, ya know, just in case I get hungry

Free Myspace Graphics

Shhhhh

Hmmm, what did I do with the rest of my weekend? I'm gonna be sly and coy and not say anything other than I actually felt happy because of it for once. And I actually managed to sleep without a 'death hug' on my teddy bear and also slept better than I have in a very long time. Details later at some point.

(Afterthoughts)
Of course I'm back to my insomnia and exhaustion tonight, but I could really use more days/nights like Saturday. Don't y'all hate it when I do teaser blogs? I got to keep ya coming back somehow now that the cookies are all gone, bwahaha. But I really do feel good (bad mood will return soon, I promise.)

An entire wasted year

As I was getting ready for bed and stepped outside for a ciggy before I laid down, I had the great idea to calculate out how many ciggies I have smoked thru the years. It was a horrifying number that even estimating lowly, still seemed incomprehensible. So I turned that into a dollar amount and discovered that I have roughly spent an entire years salary on them. Damn. Effing screw those things, I would have spent the money in bits and pieces elsewhere but seeing that number was the shock I needed to finally quit for good. So I am making sure I remember this mood by posting from my cell as I lie on my bed (and cry myself to sleep.)

(Afterthoughts)
If I seem bitchier than usual this week you now know why. I'll try to tone it down but stress always brings out the demoness side when I deal with people and then I cry my eyes out when I have time alone. Bring on the emotional roller coaster and let's get this over with.

Just a lil ole hobby

"HA HA Speed, you get no photo this time, HA HA!"

In the dark recesses of the back corner of the top drawer of my toolbox at work lurks a small white plastic box. And for those brave enough to dust off the top of it and slowly open up the creaky rusted plastic hinged lid will gaze in horror at the contents inside ..... severed human hand! Muhahaha! Oh, wait a minute, I'm thinking of a different box in a different drawer, sorry, my bad. The contents of this box are almost as horrifying, it is full of damaged and mutilated .... coins (that ended up being underwhelming.) I collect the rare coins that I find which are damaged beyond use in vending machines. Some have been deliberately hurt by persons unknown but ended up still being spendable and I received them as change at some shop, others I have found lying in parking lots. But each one has it's own unique personality to it, and have been abused and mistreated and have become outcasts in the monetary society and most people would call them monsters because of simply what they are.

I keep them because they are a lot like me. Most of my damage has been to my mind and what is left of my soul, although I also do have a decent selection of physical scars from working in a factory around sharp metal and dangerous tools everyday. Every so often when I feel like giving up, I will dig out my box of coins and look thru them. Even with all the damage they continue to endure. Even with the shape they are in, if I chose to I could take them to a shop and spend them. There is some sort of clever metaphor about despite the damage we receive we are still vital and functional members of society, although for me it tends more towards that even though I may be a monster (or half demoness to be accurate) that I am able to jump into circulation at any time and be a useful asset to society, and although I may gain a bit more attention than the average coin because I am a tall girl (and act goofy as hell) I still get viewed as just another coin.

(Afterthoughts)
Yes that was a speed racer joke. And there was your half assed mysticism wisdom to get you by until the next random encounter.

Hit me with a stick and candy falls out

I may be filled with hate and rage but it is covered in a gooey carmel center, so it's all ok. How is that possible? Elfin magic, that's how. I guess noone realized I was a keebler product, lol. However, it ended up being unpopular and dissatisfying for some reason and got discontinued, only to be replaced with something sweeter.

(Afterthoughts)
Damn it, I feel all sickly sweet. It makes me feel all mooshy and my demoness half feel all iccky. I hate enjoying it, but I really do like it, argh.

Evil description

What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Not me, that's for sure. I lurk outside of their hearts, peering in at them thru the glass jars on the shelf I keep their hearts inside of. MUHAHAHA!

(Afterthoughts)
Hee hee, I'm finally in a slightly better mood as y'all can tell. ;)

Unforgotten Realms

I love this show and keep forgetting to post the trailer for it, so here ya go, finally. There is just something appealing about an RPG hero who creates a lumberjack class and duel wields old carriage wheels as shields (to get twice the protection of a zero armor class bonus, lol.) Check out season one here, the episodes are about 10 minutes long and simply funny as hell even if you never played D&D. Season two starts on Nov. 20th.

(Afterthoughts)

There is just so many good things to say about this show from its immature banter that ends up surprising you when it leads to a joke that is way too clever to the surprising plot turns (and the not so surprising ones are done even better, lol.)

Well put indeed

“To be nobody - but - yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” - e. e. cummings

(Afterthoughts)
That is the struggle that we all face everyday, regardless of what path we take or how far we have come. Although we may disagree on countless points, in the end it is our striving for our true selves and the bonds created in helping each other accomplish that which hold us all together. Hugs to everyone who reads this, not only for being there for me and giving me the strength to stay on course, but also for helping each other. I rarely say it (blah blah reputation to uphold blah blah) but I love and appreciate you all. Thank you all for watching my back.

Powerless

Ha, I bet y'all are expecting a deeply heartfelt and sad post about the feelings of helplessness obtained from a depressing "kick in the teeth" society full of apathetic drones drifting thru a vibrant color palette of life which they only ever see in shades of ash. Sorry, just a misleading title (although I was starting to get into a groove there, lol.)

On the good side of my insomnia however is that I can get away without much makeup because my eyes always look like I have a slightly purplish pinkish eyeshadow on all the time (um, unless I cover it with a different color obviously, lol.) Goal! Demoness scores a point, muhahaha.

(Afterthoughts)
I was gonna write more but my brain blanked out, damn human half needing her beauty sleep.

Didn't even get kissed

I had a couple blogs planned instead of this rant which would have been a hella lot more entertaining but since I'm fucking pissed as hell, y'all get this instead (honestly, I feel sorry for making ya read this.)

I spent about 4 hours putting together a simple computer desk after work last night (it should have been about a one hour job, thanks crappy instructions, I love dismantling most of my work so that I can flip a small board over so that it could be finished) and still managed to get 5-6 hours of sleep (hooray!) I really wanted to skip work and sleep until mid-afternoon but had to get up and drag my ass into the factory instead. So I clock in and take the damn long walk to about the farthest area away from the door in the plant as they can possibly get since I am working on the other machines in my cell right now since the lathes up front don't currently have any work for them. As #4 and I get back there, we see that the doors to our area are closed (it's on the other side of a wall and they have a gate across the doorway which I have never seen closed before.) It wasn't locked but they had the 2 doors tied shut, so WTF!, screw that, I cut the tape to see why the damn things were closed. Lo and behold, they painted the effing floor all around the 2 machines. Damn son of bitches, why the hell did they do that, seriously, why did noone tell anyone else that was going to be done this weekend. Well, I spied a way to squeeze around to get to the machines and we could see that one of them had a part loaded on it so #4 works his way over and yells at me that the other machine is empty. And the parts that need to go on it are across one of the isles that they painted today, so no way in hell we could get them from point A to point B without tracking thru wet paint. Luckily they had moved my toolbox over infront of the machines so I told #4 to use my spare key and just use my tools today so he could run the machine that was loaded and I went walking around the factory to see if there was anything else I could work on today. The only thing else I could have ran ended up being in an unknown state because the other machinists who work over there (in my old area) rarely leave notes, and even when they do they are often vague and inconclusive or simply downright confusing. So my next stop is to read the overtime list to find out who we have as a supervisor today and give him a call. He was not very happy to find out that they had painted around machines that were supposed to be ran today but agreed that there was nothing we could do about it at this point and although he was kinda pissed about that happening, appreciated the heads up about the situation and for letting him know I was heading back home.

(Afterthoughts)
The worst part is that I need the sleep and although I have the opportunity to do so, totally lack the ability to get any rest at this point and will be awake until the extreme early morning hours that I am typically up until anyways. Grrrrr!

EEK!

--- embarrassing story team go ---

I am totally exhausted, stuck staying up to get enough notes written for me to be able to write my reports that are due tomorrow while I am at work. Got to get up early, about 7am or so (1:30am right now as I write this) and drive over an hour for an appointment, blech. It is also trash day and they pick it up before I ever climb out of bed so as I was picking up trash around my house I checked my mousetrap since I haven't seen any running around for a few days and when I opened it gingerly and glanced inside didn't see one, but thought I saw a string which meant that the tail had come off the last mouse I caught. So I opened it back up and sure enough there was a mousetail in there and it was still attached to the mouse which I wasn't expecting. So I screamed and dropped the trap. Luckily the mouse didn't fall out onto my floor so I carefully dumped it into a trash bag and proceeded to gather the rest of my debris. I grabbed and empty beer box and forgetting that I had tossed a ball of lint into it instead of walking the extra 3 feet to the bin last week once again screamed and dropped the box mistaking the lint for another mouse.

--- end of embarrassing story ---

(Afterthoughts)
Yes, I know, the girl who has no worries wandering off into demon infested woods at night and alone is scared of dead mice. Strangely enough the live ones don't spook me as long as I don't have to touch them, and I see them run around my floors way too often.

Fun at work

This week I have so far, screwed up my back (again,) nearly broken my fingers with a hammer (about a 5 lb rawhide hammer,) and cut my elbow on the door to my machine when I was climbing out of it checking a dimension on the part with 30-31 inch micrometers (but got to use one of my bitchin' hello kitty band-aids.) And I let #4 spray my cut with neosporin because he whines like a little girl when I spray it on him and let him have his 'revenge.' But much to his demise, it didn't burn me at all, tingled just a tiny bit, muhahaha.

(Afterthoughts)
We are taking bets on what today's injury will end up being, see the bookie on the way out.

Shinigami may be watching over your shoulder right now

As promised, here is the definition of shinigami copied straight from wiki:

Shinigami ("death god" or "God of Death") is the personification of death that evolved in Japan, having been imported to Japan from Europe during the Meiji period.The term shinigami may also be used more loosely to refer to any death deity. It seems to be a recent term, however, as it belongs to no specific Shinto deity and is rarely used in folklore. Today shinigami frequently appear in original Japanese works of fiction (anime and manga most often).

The article also lists several shows that they appear in, my favorite being Bleach (and Death Note which some may remember I partly based my blog title on, muhahaha.) They are not quite the same as our grim reaper personification but it would take me a lot of writing and examples to really drive home the subtle differences, probably just easier to say that shinigami generally have more responsibility and complications besides dealing with the dead (it's not all that bad lol.)

(Afterthoughts)
I just feel the missing music from the old school PSA's in this post.

Awesome distraction

I started watching a RPG cartoon that is not quite a parody but seems almost like it due to it's focus on humor (which might actually mean it is a parody after all.) I'm not in much of a writing mood tonight for some reason I can't figure out, hmmmm? So here is the link to Unforgotten Realms.

(Afterthoughts)
The writing bounces between childish and unbelievably brilliant, no wonder I am liking this show, lol.

My wasted day

Unsurprisingly I woke up early after a night of little sleep. So in order to distract myself I went to the grocery store and made myself a nice lunch for a change (even though I hate cooking for 1 person and can't seem to get the hang making that little food.) With a lot of time to kill I also made rice krispy treats coated in hershey chocolate bars to take to work with me. I figured that would be a good distraction to prevent anyone from possibly noticing the pain in my eyes, and even if by some odd chance they did, those might have a chance of tricking them into thinking I was fine. Because who the hell would make treats for their coworkers if they were in a bad mood (non-poisoned ones I obviously mean lol.)

(Afterthoughts)
Told y'all I would totally blow off and ignore my bad mood in a few days, it's already starting to happen, screw dealing with issues when you can eat chocolate coated and crunchy cereal marshmellow bar thingies instead. Hooray!

What I have decided is I hate this drama

My opinion so far... I hate caring as much as I do.

• I hate feeling like a burden by making the few friends I have be seen out with me and listen to my problems.
• I hate not being able to drown myself in anger anymore.
• I hate suffering in silence even though it is the best thing to do (apparently not too silent, sigh.)
• I hate waking up disappointed more mornings than not when I discover that I am still alive.
• I hate wanting to cry at least a few times a week and rarely able to let myself do it.
• I hate feeling the ironic amusement at my own anguish and misery and realizing that half of my genuine smiles and laughter comes from my demoness side.
• I hate feeling lost and alone.
• I hate every one of my selfish and petty complaints.
• I hate feeling hollow and empty inside.
• I hate feeling hideous, physically and mentally.
• I hate the low and self righteous opinions people have towards other girls like me.
• I hate the doubt and confusion that nags me regardless of knowing what is right.
• I hate the empathy I feel towards everyone and how I tend to lash out to push it away.
• I hate needing to drive those who get close away.
• I hate Starbucks, I really, really do.
• I hate worrying about how much longer my current job will last.
• I hate feeling like I've been rewarded when people don't cancel out on our plans.
• I hate coming home to an empty house everyday.
• I hate feeling unloved and unappreciated.
• I hate feeling depressed.
• I hate being single.
• I hate my lack of confidence and self esteem.
• I hate being so damn worthless.
• I hate seeing other people suffer.
• I hate being unable to sleep without my teddy bear.
• I hate being scared of the future as well as the past.
• I hate my empty existence.
• I hate my reflection in the mirror.
• I hate my insomnia.
• I hate feeling people are better off keeping their distance from me.
• I hate my wasted life.
• I hate being so weak.
• I hate that I can't even finish this list (guess we can scratch off not crying now.)

(Afterthoughts)

In between tears, I looked back over this list and realized I also hate feeling pathetic, self pity, rarely being able to reach out when I need it, and the knowledge that I'll blow all these feelings off in a few days and consider them inconsequential and pointless. Sometimes I hate getting what I deserve (thanks karma, blah.)

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'

7. My mother taught me IRONY
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

14.... My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.'

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'

19. My mother taught me ESP.
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE ..
'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!'

(Afterthoughts)
I have heard every single one of those and I think everyone else has too, lol.

Children's science exam

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section'
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome

And my personal favorite:
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this)!
A: Keep it in the cow.

(Afterthoughts)
Keep it in the cow!!!!! Bwahahahaha!!!!!! Although using flirtation to get dead sheep and canoeists out of water is pretty damn good too.

Tricky test

Instructions: Read the following, then click on the link below. There are two identical pictures that will appear on the screen.Almost 8,000 people were tested to see if they could identify the 3 differences in the two pictures, and only 19 were able to find all three. See how observant you are. If you can find all 3, you're one of the very few who are able to do this.
I could only Find 1 Difference See if you are better than me....

Link to the test

(Afterthoughts)
I did not enjoy this at all!!!! I am going to call my mom who sent it to me and totally bitch her out. You'll understand after you take the test yourself.