Joke time

Q: What did the pear say to the cauliflower?

A: You smell like cabbage!

(Afterthoughts)
I got this joke in the mail from my 7 year old nephew. It is just adorable. I'll be telling it to everyone I talk to this week. I couldn't stop laughing when I read it.

Horrible confession time

Just so everyone knows that I do have a human side (which oftentimes is actually worse than my half demoness nature) here are a few confessions which I am not proud of.

1) I have not bothered to shave my legs in about a week (ewww, yuk.)

2) I have only worn makeup once in the past 2 weeks if you don't count the simple basics of mascara and lipstick (I did make myself presentable when I went out to the bar last week was the few hours I did that.)

3) I have been procrastinating doing my schoolwork until I am close to deadline day (but have been doing ok even so.)

4) I still have not quit smoking yet although I was suppose to 6 weeks ago (gonna try Monday, hopefully I have the willpower because although I keep smoking, I haven't been enjoying it for the most part, addiction is funny that way.)

5) Although I have a perfectly good computer one room away, I wrote this on my cell phone while sitting on my front porch smoking (not that bad other than the smoking part again, but it is bad enough to remention.)

(Afterthoughts)
Although those really could honestly be a lot worse (and were only a few bad habits) that doesn't make them any better for that fact.

Singing bowl

This is a singing bowl that I got last weekend when I was up north at my mom's house for the weekend. I love these bowls and have a smaller one that I got a couple of years ago. When you trace the rim with the dowel, it creates a lovely sounding harmonic pitch that is just terrific.

Pizza Mia confusionism

I have finally figured out the reason for pizza's always seemingly arriving at your door always seemingly to be sliced in such a way that a couple of the slices are tiny compared to the rest. It is so that when I wake up in the middle of the night hungry, it is the perfect quick snack size. Just enough to quell my hunger and make my taste buds happy. Um, this sounds like a PSA, lol.

(Afterthoughts)
Regardless of size, it always beats coatloaf.

Hello grocery store

I am lazy, I admit it. I need to go grocery shopping terribly bad. I have pretty much totally ran out of food in my house. I am tired of eating coatloaf, I'm a growing girl and need protein that doesn't come from coats. I will probably get to it next weekend though. I guess I had best get used to coatloaf until then.

(Afterthoughts)
I just noticed that I started every sentence with "I" in this post.

Today's nemesis, ATM's

I have lived in this town for a year and a half and the bank I use doesn't have any branches closer than 60 miles away. So everytime I go to draw out cash I get charged a transaction fee which sucks but I live with it (as if I had any other choice, like opening a local account, that's just crazy talk.) So how exactly do I ply my revenge, cause y'all know I have to do something about that regardless of how petty and trivial it is. I always have it print me out a receipt just to cost the bank which owns the ATM a few microfractions of a penny in ink and paper costs. The receipts never have my actually account balance on them so doing that is pure vindictive. So HA, take that, in a few more years I may have wasted an entire dollar of the banks money.

(Afterthoughts)
Damn it, that rant sounded a lot better in my head, I swear that it really did.

School teacher gives a high five

I checked the board where my teacher leaves general messages to us, so far I've gotten a perfect score on all the assignments and tests. And I am aparently also a shining example. This is the message she left for everyone in class to read:

Grades for week 2 are posted. Many of you are doing well in the discussion threads, but some of you are lacking. Make sure you are answering the question fully, and are using supporting facts from the reading. This is a learning experience and you all are doing a great job sharing and learning from one another within you response posts. I usually do not do this but we are all in this together, and I want is for you to learn everything you can before you move on to your next class. Ok... with that said..... I would like the people that may not have received full points on week 2's post to look at the following learners posts- for an example of how to answer the discussion questions, how the leaner discusses the facts or his/her experience within the topic, etc:

(she listed a few people and I was one of them)

Their posts are just examples of how you can move forward in this class and within your classes to come."

(Afterthoughts)
I was just shocked, I was hoping that I was doing ok but honestly haven't felt like I've done nearly as good of a job as I could. I wrote every assignment so far pretty much off the top of my head, the most writing prep I have done for them (besides the textbook reading) is jot down a couple of brief notes (usually just 2 or 3 words) to help keep me guided in my writing. That is sooo freaking scary and awesome at the same time. Everyone, let's hear a "HELL YEAH!" lol.

SHOES

This is for all my shoe obcessed friends.

I'm a bad bad girl

Last night after work I was suppose to come home and write a couple of posts for school. However, one of my friends was in town (she rode over to work with #4's bf to pick him up.) So we went out to the bar and I skipped my school obligations to go drinking instead lol. It wasn't a big deal because the deadline for the assignments is not until midnight tonight and I got them done today already. I wasn't sure if I would since I had to run to a nearby town when I woke up to pickup 20 pounds of the turkey sausage links I seem to keep on buying. Those 2 boxes were for my landlady's household, I was just playing the part of 'delivery girl' for them.

(Afterthoughts)
Um, not too much for this post, whatcha expect, I've been writing for school today already and even I can only ramble for so long lol. Oh, and no hangover for me today either, HA! And I got quite a bit accomplished for only having 4-5 hours of alcohol induced sleep. ;)

Free death robes for everyones

I’m good at making people angry, that comes with the territory of being half-demoness. And I have no doubt that what I’m about to say will have quite a few people glaring at their computer screens as they read this post. I am sorry to do that to y’all but sometimes things need said and I have NEVER claimed to be a good person. I try to be but when you are cursed with seeing way too many sides and perspectives to everything regardless of it’s importance I get kind of frustrated. However, due to the ‘Fairness in Hell Act of 2323’ I also wrote a sort of type of argument for both sides, kind of.

(The crunchy Demoness side that is ‘good’ for you says)
Death is not always a tragedy, there are rare occasions when it is more of a blessing but that isn’t today’s lesson. There are bodies in the river 1 mile from my house right now. They periodically run across one, then always seem to find a few more when they start combing thru the water looking for clues. That is a horrible situation, always has been and always will be, no argument about that. There is always someone (usually several someone’s) who cry out about what a horrible shame that this person who they know nothing about other than what they have read in the paper. Good for them, I don’t have a problem with that. My anger comes from how they only care about that on rare occasions because it caught their interest or because there was some minor fact about the person that they shared, such as them both moving to this town from a different state, or they drove the same type of car, or even had the same color of hair or were the same age. I find that frighteningly trivial. The reason they should care is exceedingly simple. THEY ARE BOTH HUMANS!!! There is no way anyone could show the concern that is deserved to all of the tragic deaths that occur daily, but picking out one every now and then while never showing more than a passing brief flash of ‘sucks to be them’ to most of the deaths they hear about is just not right.

(The sweet frosted girl side says)
Death always is horrible and technically there may be a rare case when it is better, those situations have to be almost nonexistent. The only people death ever benefits are greedy and heartless life insurance beneficiaries. Most people do feel bad about all the senseless kills and suicides but no one with any sanity left in their head could allow themselves to feel all that without ending up a quivering mess huddled up in a dark corner of their house with a broken mind, heart, and soul. So we do sort of numb ourselves to everything so that we can keep on going and try to make things better. And every now and then a specific death does stand out to us even though it is a stranger. There are any number of reasons that happens but when it does a lot of the sadness we have slowly been building up over all the ones we try to mostly overlook just comes pouring out. So, yes, it may seem senseless that ’out of the blue’ we try to ’champion’ some total stranger that we may not have even gotten along with or even actually liked had we known them when they were still alive, but that is not the point. All deaths are bad, and when we see one that our minds see as having some sort of emotional link to us, it tends to hit a lot closer to our hearts.

(Afterthoughts)
I’ve been reading too much about death recently and although the last few ‘dedications’ have not been self serving or egocentric, it just happened to be the feather that shattered the elephants kneecaps allowing gravity to slam it to the ground (that old saying is something like that.)

Pi video

This is from the band "Hard n Phirm" about the number pi. Just go with it, it's rather humerous.

When did I have a clock installed in my soul?

Today marks the 3rd night in a row that I've had the end of my dreams ending with a similar theme. Which has also caused me to lie in bed for about an hour each morning quietly crying to myself also. They have not been bad dreams by any means, but waking up from them to find an empty house has about broken my heart every morning. Day 1) I was just lying in bed next to my husband with our little baby sleeping between us snuggled up next to me while I whispered/ sang little nonsensical gibberish. That was a hard one to wake up from. Day 2) Was playing dolls with my little girl on the floor when she jumped up and gave me a huge hug and said "I love Mommy." That was an even harder when I woke up. Day 3) I was just picking stuff up around the house while continuing to keep checking on the baby asleep in the crib. Not as hard as the first 2, but by this point it isn't taking anything major to set me off.

I think my freaking biological clock, which I shouldn't even have, has started ticking. Argh, I'm only 34, that shouldn't be happening yet! That's not supposed to happen until a woman hits her mid-thirties, right? Um, wait a minute, damn, never mind, I guess I am at that age. And to be honest, I've never thought the idea of being pregnant myself as being anything but scary as hell, not that I ever could be. But I realized today that my attitude about that has changed and it seems like the bestest thing that anyone could ever experience. (I want a baby sooooo bad right now.)

I'm gonna say that my hormone biochem is at some weird combo/ level right now. And as if we needed any more proof, ya just have to look at the picture I posted in my last blog. What kind of clear and level headed girl would make a sandwich like that, let alone eat it?(Ok, I know, I asked for it by implying I was the least bit normal in anything lol.)

(Afterthoughts)
Will someone please tell me where the hell the snooze button is on my biological clock!

I put what in my mouth?

This is the sandwich I made when I got home from work tonight. From bottom to top: Wheat toast, cheese, ham, chicken breast, egg, turkey sausage, wheat toast.



(Afterthoughts)
I wasn't sure how it would turn out but, damn, it was tasty. :)

The price I pay

This is probably gonna be a sad post. I'm going to explain a few (but not all) of the prices I have had to pay, and also continue to pay every single moment of my life, and have since I was about 5 years old. My soul is basically barely held together by scars and spit, my connection to other humans is extremely limited at best, I always feel alone even when surrounded by good friends or family, my ability to feel faith was lost with the awakening of my demoness nature, and worse is my high level of empathy which I spent years training to tune it out. 2 years of that along with my schizophrenia drove me to suicide at age 7. It didn't work but did provide me with the drive to continue on without much fear of death. Zen alchemy was my successful solution (and will get a blog all its own someday along with the sacrifices my salvation also came with.) It has not been a secret that I'm half-demoness, and that I have sacrificed way more than anyone should ever have to. But few people actually understand the implications of that and make assumptions mainly based on religious propaganda. I know and understand that but rarely bother to correct or explain. So this is a rare opportunity to learn for y'all I suppose.

Residing within all humans is an rarely fully tapped dual nature. The effects from both are felt throughout ones entire life. Those weak of mind fall prey to the whims of both and often go insane either as religious fanatics or serial killers (or a lesser version of that such as a tax collector or various government positions from postman to senator.) Those stronger of mind learn to draw mostly on their preferred aspect and become ministers, small business owners who help the community, and even everyday seeming folk who live within the masses brightening their lives is small yet substantial ways. The other side tends to be the psycho managers, the rule breaking employee who manages to get away with everything he does, school board committee members, and the people writing newer and complex laws that confuse everyone and don't really solve anything, but manage to turn groups of people who had been doing nothing wrong into criminals. Those who are highest in touch with the forces within themselves can become either half-angel or half-demon. Since my schizo was rare and allowed me to see things that are really there when I can focus it, I learned all of that at age 5 and how it all works also. Honestly that is way too much for a child to handle. Very few people can ever piece together how it works and the laws they are governed by. So I studied this and learned and observed how they played out in other humans. Before I had divined those natures, I was unknowingly on the road to becoming a half-angel if my strength would hold out. However due to what I had seen in my future I knew I could not follow that path to obtain the forbidden knowledge I would need to have a surviving chance, I awoke my demoness side instead of just drawing on it. There is one big different between demons and angels, demons see humans baseline as insanity, angels see them as faith to make things better for themselves. You may say that I'm not an evil demoness and I'm not. I just see things thru the shadows and lack the faith that things will improve on their own. That takes hard work and effort to change things, not faith.

But all the things I have sacrificed, I still feel an empathic loss of them all every momment of every day. Feeling the connections to all the good things in life but lacking the simple ability to grasp them. That is the true price I payed for my sanity. Had I not done that, I would have not become the strong girl I am today who is able to enjoy life while helping guide others out of the shadows where I dwell.

(Afterthoughts)
Um, wow?

Um, ok then

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Unoffically offical

School started today for me and since I took a bit of a head start last night after work and did some of my required assignments (just a little bit) and posted some stuff in my class, I'm not an actual college girl, hooray! I don't technically become a 'real' student until I have a few more classes completed and am on a sort of probation (everyone starting is) until I successfully pass a few classes. But I am still pretty psyched lol. And for some reason, I keep having the idea run thru my head that I need, I mean really, really need (and it's starting to annoy me bouncing around inside my brain nonstop) to go buy me a plaid skirt. Argh, stupid cliche ideas, even if it does sound cute, I want it out of my skully, lol. But anyway, I still can't believe I'm a college chick now!

(Afterthoughts)
I hate when a silly idea turns obsessive and tries to sneak in and justify itself thru manipulative ways, although, I really do need to buy some skirts so maybe I should do that. ;)

Auntie Lizzie's cooking tips

Pizza is great. I think it is simply just terrific, and I love it. But when you reheat it in the microwave after it's been in the refrigerator for a couple of days, it tends to turn into tough, chewy cardboard. The best way I have found to solve that problem is to coat the pizza in garlic butter before heating it. It is also totally tasty. It is a messy treat (use a fork, not your fingers) but, damn, it is sooo freaking yummy. Hope that helps. ;)

(Afterthoughts)
You are totally right that I seriously do that everytime I have leftover pizza. It may not be the girliest meal to eat, but guys love it when they are over and that is always a bonus lol.

Mood picker upper

My college adviser called me today to let me know that everyone is thrilled about how great of a job I did getting all my initial paperwork completed and taken care of right off the bat. He has people that drag it out as long as they can and are a few courses into school without having it all finished yet. That really made me feel good and I kind of needed something to boost my mood. It was really nice to feel appreciated for the effort I made to get everything lined up and ready. I rarely say this but it is nice when someone puts a smile on my face (that's just between us though, I don't want that secret getting out, I do have a reputation to keep.)

(Afterthoughts)
Damn, that really did make me happy, I blame the freakin' hormones, 'sigh.'

Grrrr, today's wisdom

"Despite the high cost of living, it still continues to be very popular."

"Too many people with solutions IS THE PROBLEM."

log-ic (loj'ik), n. 1. the art of being wrong with confidence.

"The gene pool could use some chlorine."

"Black holes suck"

"Obey gravity, it's the law"

"The early bird catches the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese."

(Afterthoughts)
Um, I managed to start bitchy but always seem to lose steam and turn more silly and decided to stop while I was ahead, 'sigh.'

Messed up proof

More of my saga on how messed up my factory is, and validation on why I'm going back to school. The guy on 3rd shift comes in 4 hours early almost every night, even though we barely have enough work to keep the machines running right now. So instead of telling the other guy that he does not need to be working 12 hours, I get bumped off my machine and told I need to find something else to work on so he can run my machine for overtime and since there was nothing else happening with any of the other machines I can run, I got to go home 2 hours early tonight (I managed to wander around chatting with people for about an hour while trying to hunt down my supervisor lol.) That's right, I said they are paying someone time and a half in order to send someone on straight time home early. Although I usually have something else I can jump over to work on, I shouldn't have to move. If he wants to come in early, he needs to be the one looking for something other than stealing my machine or else turn his ass around and go back home! But of course, 'special rules' apply to him and nothing other than him quitting (unlikely) there is nothing that can be done about it. Even though I don't have to move everyday, the fact that I ever have to irritates me. So there is some of my motivation to work hard at my classes.

(Afterthought)
I must be feeling the effects from the insomnia because I really toned down this rant because it makes me about as sad as it does angry that I have to deal with such stupid happenstances.

Medicated induced silliness

I spent most of the day yesterday cleaning my house, actually most of it was laundry and organizing stuff, haven't quite made it ti the cleaning stage yet lol. But with my back hurting and knowing I needed to get up early the next 2 days. I decided that taking one of my sleep pills would probably be a good idea at around midnight. They don't knock me out but when I do lay down I fall asleep rather quickly. However I had a couple quick things I wanted to do before I went to bed so I stayed up for a little while. Now staying awake on this med tends to make me a little bit goofy (ok, ok, goofier lol.) So in the process of putting away some makeup I had sitting out I decided to create a little monument on the top of my shelves in my bathroom. It really did seem like a fun idea at the time lol. And when I woke up this morning and saw that, I cracked up laughing and had to take a picture of it before I put it all away.



(Afterthoughts)
I doubt I ever know why I do stuff like that, I think mostly so I can make myself laugh when I think about it later on. Either that or my brain fever is just still running strong lol. (I wish I could blame the meds, but unfortunately there is too much previous evidence proving otherwise lol.)