Today marks the 3rd night in a row that I've had the end of my dreams ending with a similar theme. Which has also caused me to lie in bed for about an hour each morning quietly crying to myself also. They have not been bad dreams by any means, but waking up from them to find an empty house has about broken my heart every morning. Day 1) I was just lying in bed next to my husband with our little baby sleeping between us snuggled up next to me while I whispered/ sang little nonsensical gibberish. That was a hard one to wake up from. Day 2) Was playing dolls with my little girl on the floor when she jumped up and gave me a huge hug and said "I love Mommy." That was an even harder when I woke up. Day 3) I was just picking stuff up around the house while continuing to keep checking on the baby asleep in the crib. Not as hard as the first 2, but by this point it isn't taking anything major to set me off.
I think my freaking biological clock, which I shouldn't even have, has started ticking. Argh, I'm only 34, that shouldn't be happening yet! That's not supposed to happen until a woman hits her mid-thirties, right? Um, wait a minute, damn, never mind, I guess I am at that age. And to be honest, I've never thought the idea of being pregnant myself as being anything but scary as hell, not that I ever could be. But I realized today that my attitude about that has changed and it seems like the bestest thing that anyone could ever experience. (I want a baby sooooo bad right now.)
I'm gonna say that my hormone biochem is at some weird combo/ level right now. And as if we needed any more proof, ya just have to look at the picture I posted in my last blog. What kind of clear and level headed girl would make a sandwich like that, let alone eat it?(Ok, I know, I asked for it by implying I was the least bit normal in anything lol.)
(Afterthoughts)
Will someone please tell me where the hell the snooze button is on my biological clock!
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